One Step Forward, Two Steps...well, definitely not forward

No, we have not abandoned you (singular), our focus has shifted to becoming a PODCAST. To round off the summer, I'm embarking on some thangs that reflect on the past two months (you know, the months with no posts).

As always, it seems we start with religion.

Over the course of this summer, Pope Benedict XVI's popeship has come to the attention of many. As is the case with any 21st Century religious all-knower, he has a difficult job of bridging conviction on modernity. (Just look at the Dalai Lama and scientific communism, or the Ayatollahs and the bringing back of 'sexy' or Tom Cruise and prescriptive psychiatric meds). While Scientology fights back at modernity by nominally embracing 'science', Catholicism has no hopes of such a trendy name change. Cathology? Sciencolism? Nope.

So how did the Church choose to address modernity? In anticipation of the 100th year of the production of Ford's Model T, the Vatican said: 'Hey, these cars are really catchin' on - Benny! We should say something about these horseless chariots!' Benny, never one to turn down some good advice sanctioned the release of the Ten Commandments of the Road. Unfortunately for former-Moses Charleton Heston thou shalt carry a colt-45 was not one of them. Finally the epidemic of bad Catholic driving is over. We know, for certain, that unspeakable acts in the backseat are indeed unspeakable and not to use the auto-car as an expression of vanity. Says the owner of the Pope-mobile.

So, that covers one step forward. Deal with modernity by jumping right into. Next come the ten commandments of blogging (thou shalt not covet thy neighblogger's traffic or other widgets), YouTube (thou shalt not infringe on Viacom's copyright), etc. The next is a retreat back into the familiar: exempli gratia the Return of the Latin Mass. This doesn't seem like too big a deal. Where there is a big enough group of people who understand the Latin Mass, Benny says it may be celebrated. This will not be affecting me, personally. Apparently though, a line about the Jews got everyone all up in a tizzy. The line offers a prayer on behalf of Jews, to Jesus so that he may accept them into the Kingdom, despite them not accepting Him as the Personal Lord and Saviour. This may sound offensive, but it isn't if you consider...

Benny announced that the Catholic Church is the One True Church. That's right, not only is Jesus the Only Way to Salvation (if you're following He is both the beginning, the end and the way to get from beginning to end) -- the Catholic Church is the only way to get Jesus-props. OK.This actually pissed everyone of any Christian denomination off. Insofar as they cared what the Pope of Rome had to say about whether or not their Church was "wounded" or the decrease of attendance was due to George Stephanopolous' white-white smile on Sunday morning talk. Which was not very much. If they stopped listening in the 16th Century, some Car-mandments certainly won't get their attention in 21st.

So there you go, one step forward and two steps in the dark.

Bush in Rome

US President George W. Bush is in Rome today, after the G-8 Summit wrapping up in Germany he is embarking on a European tour. In Italy, he has met with the Pope, Benny - he likes to call him Benny, and Italian PM Romano Prodi. According to the GAM:

The highlight of Mr. Bush's day was his first-ever meeting with Pop Benedict, a fellow religious conservative, in the Vatican.

Despite the unreported typo (there are two! spot the second one) that makes the Benny sound like an Archie Comics character, this wins some kind of prize for the no-shit category. The GAM went on to report that Benny's Catholic, the Ayatollah is Muslim and Tom Cruise is an adherent of the Church of Scientology. Wonders never cease. Though putting Bush and the Pope's religious conservatism on the same level is...a little weird. I guess it comes with a cultivated image.

Nonetheless, the Leaders of the Catholic and Free Worlds (which you can imagine as a Venn diagram if it helps) got down to important business. Namely: AIDS in Africa and peace in the Middle East. If there is anything that can solve those two of the worlds problems, its two white guys talking about it in Rome. Apparently, the recent kefuffle with Vladimir Putin also came up. To which the Pope said "Stick it to the Red bastard." Also, because Europe is into that, there were riots.

And no, President Bush didn't get lost during Rome's Pride Month celebrations...those two gentlemen are part of the Pope's elite Swiss Guard. You have to be pretty elite to pull that outfit of. I wonder where they were last week...

Popemobile needs more security, goes hybrid

Today someone attacked the Pope. Previous to this, I mean moments previous, I read in the venerable Toronto Star that Benny XVI is installing solar panels for his papal crib. This eliminates the usual suspects - God-hating environmentalists.

I think with all the G-8 protests going on lately, young people are confused. Seeing any Head of State, even if it is the Seeing the Head of the Holy See, is an exciting moment to tell the world what you believe. Not just with words but actions! A noble goal for youths in any democracy. This youth seems to have forgotten that the Catholic Church is not a democracy and hasn't been for 2000 years.

It's startling, again, that the Vatican is moving faster on the climate file than the aforementioned G-8. The only way that guy was able to get to him was because JP2's Plexiglas Protecto-DomeTM (that's John-Paul II not Jurassic Park) was removed to cut back on air conditioning. Oh, those Europeans.

Le Monde à Notre Avis/The World According to Us

Vladimir Putin declares: "I'm an absolute democrat", absolutely. Coming under criticisms for recent autocratic actions (i.e. silencing critics with his trademark witty mists of radioactive material). As an absolute democrat, Putin has decided that, in retaliation for the US setting up anti-missile bases on neighbouring (however, hardly neighbourly) Poland and Czech Republic, he will aim Russian missiles at European capitals. For one meeelion dollars. Unfortunately the only person Putin seems to be willing to have talk him out of him is the man who he describes as the only person as committed to democracy as him: Gandhi. Gandhi. Mahatma.
In other news, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty, after his brief foray into the international affairs with Ahnold, has decided to snub the Pope. It looks like all that Harry Potter he's been reading has finally gotten to him. Just because Dumbledore dies doesn't mean you need to give up on the One True Faith. Sure, the Terminator wants to talk the environment Dalton's floppy ears are all a-wiggle, when His Holiness is game "I have other responsibilities". (Don't tell Benny, but I think what he means is Don't call me, I'll call you.)

Meanwhile, in Germany...the G-8 Summit is about to get under way. It promises to be awkward at least for Georgie and Vlad. It's nice that Tony will be showing up, now that he's basically declared himself politically irrelevant by resigning. Harper is going to try sporting his green tie for the conference. The G-8 most remarkable aspect is definitely the whole protesting aspect. Those altermondialistes love painstakingly making papiermaché world leader heads.

Pope says 'Yes' to Harper's Green Plan

In a strange confluence of events, the Tory green plan has been met not only with Papal assent (er...recognition that the faithful must respond to climate change) but also, much more difficult to procure, Albertan assent.

If you think of the timing of the announcement, it's not too bad: the Conservatives managed to be one whole day ahead of the Catholic Church's response to climate change. I mean I knew Canada's New-Car-Smell Government lessthanthrees priorities and rapid responses, but it barely eked out the Roman Catholic Church. If the Catholic Church has represented anything in the past 2000 years it has been slow, slow, slow acceptance of new ideas (as in only accepting them when they become old ideas, if at all).

In terms of Alberta, 'Steady Eddy' Ed Stelmach has announced comfort with the federal plan as it is largely synchronous with the Albertan green plan announced earlier this year. Hold the phone. For all their reputation, Alberta had a green plan before the Feds? Needless to say, the Albertan plan, just like the Fed plan, has been judged to only be all small part of what is necessary.


Well, at least now we have God on our side.
xoxo
-Matt