CityTV (not there) EVERYWHERE

After Lauren and I unsuccessfully tried to butt Ted Rogers in his bid to buy the CityTV stations from CTVglobemedia, humiliation is followed by frustration. As awesome as it would've been for us to take over Breakfast Television Toronto (and then, THE WORLD), it looks like it was not in the cards (or stars, or deified belly-button lint) for us. Now, CTV has unequivocally stated that the CityTV really-cool-newsvan-stickin'-outtawall is going to be removed.

Spurred on by the success of the Save the 'Sam the Record Man' sign campaign, facebookin' Torontonians have decided to come to the rescue. Yes, facebook has become the rapid-response Toronto Heritage Fund. As The Toronto Star noted: Toronto is the facebook capital of the world. It seems that Torontonians are all-too eager to use their ability to massively click buttons in unison to promote keeping old signs up as ownership changes hands. I love public space and all, heck, I love civic activism, but what if CTVglobemedia is going to use the space for something else really cool? Hahaha, I kill me... It'll probably be another billboard à la Yonge and Bloor. Or a huge poster of Tanya Kim and Ben Mulroney. Ugh.

The question remains: when push comes to shove, who will have the Skydomes (Roger Centres?) to start 'Save the Zanzibar store front!!!1'?

Don't get on that plane!

After watching a few too many Lou Dobbs specials on how porous the USA-Canada border is the New Canadian government has decided to take action. Not only have we had legislation put forward to arm border-guards and make it easier to get a passport (isn't that counter-intuitive?), no we have a no-fly list. I personally love lists. I know of many people who love lists. David Letterman, McSweeney's readers (Lauren), Warren Kinsella, heck I'm pretty psyched about a good list every once in a while. Especially funny lists. It looks like the new no-fly list is going to be no expception. It's going to be har-har-hilarious, especially if you (like Conservative MPs Michelle Cook or John Williams - hey didn't that guy write the Star Wars theme?) are unfairly kept from flying. "What!? I won't be able to make it to Christmas with the in-laws in 'Toon-town(Saskatoon)?"

Jack Layton, NDP leader and crystal ball owner, predicts: “They're essentially forcing a citizen to correct the record if they've been mistakenly placed there and that can come after some considerable inconvenience and embarrassment and maybe worse.” After having been labelled Taliban Jack by Tory pundits, he would never wish that on Michelle Cook-ing Up Some TNT or Al-Qaeda John Williams.

Other critics are harsher. They call the no-fly list a charade, unlikely to be effective and likely inconvenient to many. One critic, Barry Prentice, the director of the Transport Institute at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, has a novel idea. Make the list the size of a hockey team...and call them "The Winnipeg Jets". They can play for the right to get on a plane. If they win the Cup, they can take-off. Hey, something'll work eventually...

***Correction: Michelle Cook and John Williams were not kept from flying, the no-fly list had not yet taken effect and they were warned they would have to clear their names. At least, that's what Mike Duffy told me.

Doctor in the House? Doctor Dhalla in dahouse!

Who knew life on the Hill was so much part-Medical drama? I'd always thought of it as more of part-bitch fest, part-24 hour news cash-cow, and part-TV singing competition. I digress.

Let's set the very dramatic stage: Two rival camps meet across the hall every Wednesday. Sworn enemies, never united. Not by blood, never by love (if never-er by respect). The Liberalos and the Conservapulettes. Suddenly, Convervapulette MP Nina Grewal faints (!) to cries of "Is there a doctor in the house!?" The shocking revelation, not a single member of the Conservapulette caucus is an ex-Medicolo. Conservapulettes desperate to save their comrade (though they would never say comrade, that's one of those dirty NDP words) cross the Centre Block to the Liberalo caucus (which is the only one with ex-Meds...the Toronto Star emphasizes). Who rises to the challenge?! Bernard Patry (Pierrefonds-Dollard) and Ruby Dhalla (Brampton-Springdale-My-Dreams). Of course, Dr Dhalla tagged along in case the fainting was brought on by a killer backspasm. Needless to say, c'est tout reglé. It was a minor incident. But oh so rrrrrriveting.

I'll see you in court, says...Calvert?

For those of you confused by this whole equalization mess, you're not alone. Stephen Harper recently admitted: "Mr. Speaker, I don't even understand what they are saying anymore." You and me both. So, first we had the the Atlantic Accord which began with a certain big-chinned law-bringer named Brian Mulroney. This excluded offshore resource revenues from equalization and included them in the revenue of the provincial revenues of Newfoundland(andLabrador) and Nova Scotia. Then in 2005, Paul Martin renewed this whole thing, which you may or may not remember involved some flag-pole-dancing by Danny Williams.

The issue thus far: Premier Williams (PC Party-NL) embarked on a campaign not only against Stephen Harper's budget (ads in the GAM at the beginning of summer) but also against Harper himself. He says Harper broke his promise. Jim Flaherty (CPC -Ontario, former Harris cabinet minister) said "Na-uh". Then Bill Casey (CPC -NS) said "Ya-uh" and Premier Rodney McDonald (PC - NS) also said that because he spent his equalization money on debt-reduction...already. Now Bill Casey (CPC -NS) is Bill Casey (I - NS). The budget is in the Senate, senators (not Senators) are being asked to stall (which will not gain them any love from Harper).

You may be wondering: how does Saskatchewan and Premier Lorne Calvert (NDP) fit into all of this? Well, as neither an Atlantic province nor a province with any offshore resource revenues (you may remember, Saskatchewan is the completely landlocked rectangle one on your Map of Canada). Well, he says Harper broke a promise to him, his province and the people of the Atlantic provinces over included non-renewable resource revenues in equalization. Flaherty says the new equalization formula is even better for Saskatchewan. Calvert says "Tell it to the mice!"

You may be wondering: well why aren't we being told more about what the budget actually does? Well see, that would be the case if Harper had an effective communication strategy. Evidence right now points to he doesn't. When Williams attacked him, he said "Whatcho talkin' bout, I'm all bouts the Atlantic Accord like I said befo'" Quoth from the Harper quoth in Andrew Coyne's column (that gets through some crap, and avoids car metaphor-mangling):

Why should Newfoundland's possibility of achieving levels of prosperity comparable to the rest of Canada be limited to an artificial eight year period? … Why is the government so eager to ensure that Newfoundland and Labrador always remain below the economic level of Ontario? The Ontario clause is unfair and insulting to the people of Newfoundland and Labrador, and its message to that province, to Nova Scotia and to all of Atlantic Canada is absolutely clear. They can only get what they were promised if they agree to remain have not provinces forever.

How will this play out...probably a lot like the Sopranos finale...

The World According to Us: Hands Off My Flag!

In Los Angeles, a less than angelic security guard at Dodgers Stadium hassled a Canadian waving the Maple Leaf, l'Unifolié. This in a land that has considered constitutional amendments to protect their flag from Timmy Tinder and Aaron Arson. A flag double-standard is clearly being set. We Canadians need to stand up for our flag, just like we regularly do when we celebrate Flag Day (Feb 15), describe it as a 'red rag' (Bernard Landry) or withhold flying it on Provincial buildings as a political protest(Danny Williams). Heh, or when we replace the maple leaf with other foliage.

In response to Bo Derek's international campaign (that involves white shirts, lots of tight white shirts), the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species CITES has banned the trade of sawfish. OK, maybe ti has nothing to do with Bo Derek. But she's aging well isn't she? Goodferher. Um, and don't by seal penises or rhino-horns. They invented Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra for a reason. (If your erection-inducing med isn't included here, it clearly isn't in my Spam folder)

In Hawaii, it's Kamehameha Day. If anyone out there used to watch the old Dragon Ball anime, no relation. But if you want, yell Kamehameha anyone. Instead this time, do it in honour of the King that united the Kingdom of Hawai'i and carried many heavy things according to Wikipedia...and, er, prophesy.

In other news, Stephen Lewis, who literally wrote a book on how the G-8 lacks a moral compass, has declared that the G-8 lacks moral compass (correction: anchor. Though it would make more sense to have a compass to decide how to go forward than an anchor to hold you down, no?). Lewis is the former UN Special Envoy on HIVAIDS in Africa and fundator of the Stephen Lewis Foundation, he also has twenty-seven moral compasses (anchors) on him at all times.

Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly)

[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any the like. It aims to go, from sea to sea to sea...or as close as possible on any a regular basis.]

Well it looks like it only took one more week for this, our the country is local close-up to actually make it from sea to sea to sea. Needless to say, it seems that one affliction seems to have stricken the land: gambling. From Beautiful BC all the way to the Yukon (that's the Arctic Ocean sunzabidges) and across this land to the Atlantic, Lotto companies are being met with charges of corruption. It seems like the hopes and prayers of many blue-haired church ladies (who just love the rush of imagining that cool 32 mill, and pimpin' their walkers) and the office pool (ready to turn on each others knives a-brandished) are being cheated. Rumours abound that a suspicious number of Lotto retailers have got been laying claim to the booty. In BC this led to the head of the BC Lottery Corp being fired. Atlantic Lotto, which administers lottery services in four provinces is going under review. In Yukon, Western Lotteries Corp promises nothing is amiss. Never have so many ill-gotten riches been so ill-gotten (you all know gambling's a sin). Who can you have faith in if not the Lottery and Gaming Commissions? Faith in that little ticket paying off? What about Atlantic Lotto's new online bingo?

You'd hardly think Alberta was facing a labour shortage with the way babies keep showing up all over the place. Nonetheless, the oil boom out West seems to be met with a baby boom, except what's happening to those babies is another matter. A baby was recently found on a doorstop Medicine Hat, just weeks after the Wal-Mart baby of Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. You know whose good at dealing with surplus babies? Brangelina...remember when they were shooting a movie in Calgary...

In PEI, Liberal Premier-designate has demonstrated that all Libs are alike, mere weeks after his election is facing a patronage scandal. Robert Ghiz, I told you I'd be watching you. Who do you think you are? Not ending the contracs made by the Progressive Conservatives in the past eleven years that have smacked of patronage and massively reappointing those contracts to Liberal friends... Honouring contracts in good-faith. You may be the next in a well-heeled political dynasty, Mr Ghiz but you know nothing about how politics work. Instead you hide behind the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. For shame. The next curiosity is how will he make that damn bridge bring in the Bordens, ten years later...

Speaking of bloated political dynasties, Gary Doer's Manitoba NDP has touched some yow-hot water. It looks like the riding of Wellington had a nomination SCANDAL-LE. Manitoba likes it political drama high-octane so you'll have to bear with me. Point form is the most dramatic:
-Wellington is an inner-city riding in Winnipeg, and traditional NDP stronghold. However, it was exposed due to accusations that previous candidate hadn't payed his dues. Years of service, and the man hasn't payed his dues!
-Joe Chan decides to up-and-run for the nomination, but it turns out he's up-and-running from a criminal past. Kind of like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive but without the chases, Tommy Lee Jones, and he's just not disclosing information as opposed to running from the police.
-Both run in the riding as independents (! , I know...), causing fears that a three-way split with the actual NDP candidate would split the vote and give rise to another party.
-At the last minute an inflammatory pamphlet (! , again) about Chan was sent around. Manitoba: The last time I heard about an inflammatory pamphlet was...Martin Luther's 95 Theses in 1517.
-The NDP candidate won more than half the popular vote. I must admit it seems "Manitoba: Just Do'er" is GOLD west of Kenora.

Le Monde à Notre Avis/The World According to Us

Vladimir Putin declares: "I'm an absolute democrat", absolutely. Coming under criticisms for recent autocratic actions (i.e. silencing critics with his trademark witty mists of radioactive material). As an absolute democrat, Putin has decided that, in retaliation for the US setting up anti-missile bases on neighbouring (however, hardly neighbourly) Poland and Czech Republic, he will aim Russian missiles at European capitals. For one meeelion dollars. Unfortunately the only person Putin seems to be willing to have talk him out of him is the man who he describes as the only person as committed to democracy as him: Gandhi. Gandhi. Mahatma.
In other news, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty, after his brief foray into the international affairs with Ahnold, has decided to snub the Pope. It looks like all that Harry Potter he's been reading has finally gotten to him. Just because Dumbledore dies doesn't mean you need to give up on the One True Faith. Sure, the Terminator wants to talk the environment Dalton's floppy ears are all a-wiggle, when His Holiness is game "I have other responsibilities". (Don't tell Benny, but I think what he means is Don't call me, I'll call you.)

Meanwhile, in Germany...the G-8 Summit is about to get under way. It promises to be awkward at least for Georgie and Vlad. It's nice that Tony will be showing up, now that he's basically declared himself politically irrelevant by resigning. Harper is going to try sporting his green tie for the conference. The G-8 most remarkable aspect is definitely the whole protesting aspect. Those altermondialistes love painstakingly making papiermaché world leader heads.

OMG N.W.T. TB! WTF?

Admittedly, this first caught my attention because I thought it had something to do with the first TB-guy. You know the one who was said "It's only a cough, I'll be fine once I travel across the ocean and pass as many national borders as possible." It turns out, an entirely different TB scare is going on in the North West Territories, says the Ceeb. Like all good stories, as Lauren so often says, it started with a homeless man. It has now lead to hundreds being tested for tuberculosis across the En-dublya-tee.

Moving from the homeless to English majors (which may not be much of a stretch, zing): the outbreak of mumps that started in Nova Scotia's universities is continuing to spread. Cases in Nova Scotia are reported at 326 by the Ceep, however a 'Joel Plaskett' state of 'Emergency' has not yet been declared. Be wary of anyone who's 'McLachlan' up 'Bubbles' all over the place this could get out of hand. Luckily, vaccinations will be available soon starting at only a 'Buck-65' per shot. Anne Murray.

Apologies to all those willing to accept them for the excess of spelling out acronyms and the horrendous East Coast music scene puns. Credit is due for not making a joke about how the sick would be driven into the "Great Big Sea". OK, fine. There from Newfoundland and Labrador anyway.

Almost Sea to Sea, but not yet, to Sea

Across the provinces of this great land, well it's been an election year, and other things have happened.

Let's start off with the most recent province out of the election harangue. That would be Prince Edward Island, where a new Liberal dynasty has ousted the longest serving premier in the province's history. He has been replaced by the Son of Ghiz. If past indications give us anything to hope for, nationally speaking, Ghiz the Younger will need to contend with the expectations of The Dynasty. Just ask Paul Martin the Younger. Premier Ghiz, it should be known: I'm watching you.

In Ontario, ol' Dalton McGuinty has been hopping to the photo-ops in preparation for E-DAY. First, Arnold Schwarzenegger (mentioned earlier) but also David Suzuki who is now the Canadian Tire Guy of Ontario's PowerWise initiative. Furthermore, McGuinty's government is sticking it to the man for the people. *Sigh*, that's what it's all about. His government announced the outlawing of giftcard expiry dates...by making a giftcard expiry date expiry date. Coming soon: no more expiry dates. I guess he was sick of all those half-off kitten giftcards expiring. Man's gotta eat. Ontario is also both angry about MP redistribution under the new Conservative bill (C-59?), saying its under-represented. More on the upcoming Mixed Member Proportional Representation referendum in coming months.

Manitoba, of course, recently saw the election of a record third majority for the New Democrats under Gary Doer. What makes them new at this point? Was it Gary's oh-too-hip slogan "Manitoba: Just Do'er". How are things in the great middle province? Well...stable, so so. Those Nova Scotians seemed to have spread the mumpocalypse up that way but that Human Rights Museum from the Asper's should be show-- GarybettmanbrieflymentionedWinnipegasapossible (maybe, we'll see, it is kinda cold sometimes...) viableNHLcityonHNICMonday??! OHMYGAWD.

Also, the man who looks like he should have some kind of record for being around a long time, Lorne Calvert is sticking it to Harper à la Daniel Williams. The Saskatchewan and Newfoundland (and Labrador) premiers are quite livid with Mr Harper after his equalization scheme 'solved' that pesky fiscal imbalance. Which explains why there is no First Minister's conference as planned, well except for Lorne he showed up. Anyone notice Saskatchewan and NL are the two provinces with the most unique time zone definitions. I believe Saskatchewan has no day light saving's and NL has the half hour. Maybe Williams/Calvert would be more effective if they didn't have a problem coordinating meetings? Ever notice that Williams always says "Newfoundlander and Labradorian", that takes practice.

The Toronto Star will soon be featuring a regular section on Alberta as part of its redesign called Alberta Now. I just thought the only thing more mildly antagonizing to Albertans than not including them at all in this little run-down would be to mention them only as they are in the Toronto Star. I kid, Alberta, because I love. Also, the Pickton trial is not the only thing going on in BC. But it's the only thing you hear about.

But seriously, the Jets back in the 'Peg. Awesome.

Go, Parliamentary Bickering, Go!

Opposition parties are demanding the Conservatives release their 'Playbook of Parliamentary Hiijinks: Not for Opposition MPs Naanananaana'. The 'Playbook' is a breezy 200 pages and was first reported on in the National Post. While preparing a sweet spitball, Government House Leader Peter Van Loan insisted that his party wants "to work together with all parties in the House". Then he shot the spitball and Liberal Baird-doppleganger Mark Holland.

Admittedly, the last few months of government have seen an escalation in bickering (enough to leave old Mike Duffy flabbergasted). Personal insults about mental proficiency, though not new to the House, have become increasingly common. Such insults included a dangerous game of "Prescribe Psychiatric Medication with no Qualifications" by one Conservative MP. This is, of course, the reason CPAC was invented, people.

The Conservatives have instead chosen to focus on issues of clear moral salience, like foreign strippers. Now, if I may, I suggest that being able to get strippers from every corner of the land is part of what makes this land so great. A veritable booty-mosaic, if you will. Harper is going up against the unstoppable market forces of free trade. Canadians demand booty, and strippers who supply it in surplus at home come to Canada to meet demand. Now strippers from Club Super-Sex in Montreal will be forced to meet demand across the country. But then, in a move out of the 'Playbook', the appeals programme of the Official Languages Committee has been undone. How will Marie-Claire send 'Ti-Jacques to the underfunded French-language school that is his right in Alberta/Saskatchewan/Manitoba?

You know what? No one should be giving anybody any books about how to be ineffective in Ottawa nowadays. Maybe they've all gone Cup Crazy TM.

Gordon O'Connor Also Buys Future Shop's Lifetime Warranties

In what can only be described as an error of omission, Gordon O'Connor announced today that the actual cost of supplying new (used German and Dutch -- Dutch?!) Leopard 2A6Mv tanks for Canadian troops in Afghanistan is double the initial cost reported to Parliament. Apparently, his thumb was covering the service cost contract for the next 20 years when he was last speaking to the issue. Well, glad he got back to us when he did..after all, it only doubled the cost from $650 million to $1.3 billion.

No biggie, right? Water under the bridge. I mean it's not like a government has ever been turfed for not being forthright about spending from the public purse. I hope the leopard print is nice...

La Course au Troisième Place: Juste Marois

**English follows**

Plus vite que je puisse finir ma première rédaction au sujet de la cours à la direction du Parti Quebecois, le candidat-vedette s'est retiré. Cette cours, qui a commencé avec la démission de l'ancien chef André Boisclair, est très important au futur du mouvement souvrainiste. Maintenant, Gilles Duceppe, qui a été souhaité favori dans les médias anglophones s'est déjà retiré de la cours après un jour. Jusqu'à 11h ce matin il n'y avait aucun candidat à la direction officielle. À 11h, Mme Pauline Marois s'est annoncé officiellement. Elle est présentement la seule candidate.

Pourquois le mouvement souvrainiste se trouve-t'il avec aucun course à sa direction? Au lieu d'un cours, on voit un couronnement d'une femme du vieux Parti. Même si sa langage, aujourd'hui, decrit la modernisation du programme du Parti, ça fait sa troisième candidature pour la chefferie.

L'esprit de l'élection de M. Boisclair était censé être pour le renouvellement du programme de souveraineté. Le programme n'a pas change et les Québécois et Québécoises l'ont rejeté dans la dernière élection. Au lieu d'adopter le renouvellement sous leur chef "dynamique", le Parti lui a rejeté. Chaque fois qu'on a mis son leadership en question, on parlait des vieux soldats du mouvement M. Duceppe et même M. Landry, qui retourneront pour retirer le mouvement des feux d'enfers.

Est-ce que j'accuse le souverainisme d'être dans l'embrasse de la mort. Non, mais, comme quelque hors des réalités quotidiennes de ce mouvement, j'observe que ça ne veut pas changer. Ça veut toujours retourner à un âge d'or, quand Saint-Réné émanciperait la nation et on a battu le modèle québécois de la "démocratie-sociale". Détroisième place, le passé avec des gouvernements majoritaires du PQ, semble bien accueillissent pour ceux qui cherchent des réponses.

**(En anglais/In English)**

Pardon my attempts to exercise my broken French (it's part of rehabilitation, the doctors say). Before I could even finish writing my post on the "race" for Third Place, the star-candidate pulled out. This race, which started with the resignation of André Boisclair, is very important among separatist circles. Now, Gilles Duceppe, who basically started all this noise, has pulled out due to his low numbers in Quebec (not just the PQ, but all of Quebec). He was the English media's designated White Knight for the sovereigntists, you may recall. Until Mme Pauline Marois announced her candidacy at 11:00 AM there were no candidates in the race for the PQ chefferie. There are still no other official candidates.

For all the talk of the necessity of renewal, the ONLY candidate in what has been called a "couronnement" (crowning) is a third time candidate. In fact, whenever Mr. Boisclair's leadership was called into question the replacements suggested seemed to bounce between old hands of the sovereignty movement: Duceppe and Landry. Wasn't Boisclair supposed to be the new face/voice/generation of the PQ...Macleans?

As an outsider, it looks like the separatist movement is yearning for the simple days of being told what to do by St. Réné with the aim of emancipation and the Quebec model. I'm not going to call the separatists for being in "the death throes"--they're full of surprises. Last March's fall to third party seems to have led to a great clamour for the past in the PQ.

3 Reasons for Sunday voting

In an effort to increase the effectiveness of the Tory Vote Mobilizing Machine for the next elections, The Tories are trying to extend elections to two days (Sunday noon-8PM [8:30 Newfoundland] and Election Monday) to increase voter turn out. They've also extended the election hours to just after church services are finished. So after getting pumped up on Jesus, the West Edmonton Christian Assembly can go straight to the polls!

Or, how about this one? OK. In an effort to debilitate former Canadian Alliance leader (Air Farce one-liner) and current Public Safety Minister Stockwell Day's faintest hopes of attaining the PMO, voting starts on Sunday. Everyone remembers that Stephen refused to campaign on Sundays for church/family time. CONJECTURE: Stockwell is making Martinian/ Gordon-Brownian/ Duceppian moves to pull the Conservatives from under Stephen Harper's feet. Just a suggestion, if I ever heard a peep from the Conservative caucus.

Or, Harper is just trying to boost voter turn out through a back-flank attack on the Lord's Day.

Stephane Dion: MAKE-OVER

Shuffles in the upper echelons of Stéphane Dion's politico-non-campaign campaign machine suggest he's up for a makeover. Here at Matt & Lauren in the Mornin', but Actually at Night there's nothing we love than a good makeover. So we thought we'd volunteer our own Stéphane Dion Makeover. Here is Stéphane now:

Jeez, even for his official glam-shot Stéphane still looks like he's offering to do your homework in exchange for fewer wedgies. Paper in the foreground! All this says about Stéphane is that he can read documents that are printed on white paper! BLANDORAMA. What does Stéphane believe in? Well he has his three pillars let's try: ENVIRO-MENTAL STéPHANE:
Mmm...maybe this is too enviro...mental. This might alienate voters who are, already alienated by his environmental stance. Though the thumbs up is a definite bonus and the solar panel says "I like technology, I'm not all wonky granola"...so let's keep the good and drop the bad. Maybe play with that whole steel-coloured hair. Everyone loves of silver-spandex jumpsuit:

New hair style kind of reminiscent of Sir Wilfrid Laurier. It's very shiney, the kids love their bling. Although Harper does have the whole robot thing basically in the pocket. Stéphane wants to play up how passionate he is, how nouveau génération he is.
Politics is all about streetcred. As in appropriating various popular culture figures to advance your own cred. Like Paul Martin and Bono. Unfortunately this makeover won't do it all, because Stéph went to sperm-donor to the stars, K-Fed (Kevin Federline, you know, Britney Spear's ex-husband), for fashion advice. I'd keep the PIMP cup, "cause I'm all for gettin' 'crunked' like it's hot", but the earrings are too grandma-Dion. K-Fed doesn't mean 'Kanadian-Federalism' Stéph, you'd better back off!

Well let's take the best of the new and the old, and we get Stéphane "Stéph" Dion 2.0 (I am the user-driven content):
Cheers, Stéph 2.0, cheers.

Boisclair

So, the exam time post-slump is mostly over. That is, if Lauren and I can pull ourselves out of the bottle.

Speaking of pulling out of slumps and abusing intoxicants: PQ leader Andre Boisclair has resigned his post just in time for the opening of the first Assemblé nationale where he PQ is neither government or opposition since the party's founding.

This outcome has been described as inevitable as well as "triste", and RDI has been covering the story with a fine-toothed comb since about 11:00am (Eastern, 9:30 in Newfoudland). While CBCNewsworld was telling me about... another Taiwanese parliamentary brawl. Sometimes I worry about the pulse of the nation.

Speculation on the whole thing has immediately turned to Gilles "Gills" Duceppe to step down from the BQ to the PQ. After all that business Gills did of wooing English Canada with his wolf-like gaze and his nasal debates, it would be a shame to see him leave the national scene. Or would that be move to the national scene?

Also, Muchmoremusic's show "Nosedive" was doing a profile of Tara Reid. You know, since Tara Reid's boob has been exposed people have been wondering: who would do best in the next sex-gross out comedy/horror movie? Dr Ruby Dhalla. Not an imposition, just a suggestion.

Pope says 'Yes' to Harper's Green Plan

In a strange confluence of events, the Tory green plan has been met not only with Papal assent (er...recognition that the faithful must respond to climate change) but also, much more difficult to procure, Albertan assent.

If you think of the timing of the announcement, it's not too bad: the Conservatives managed to be one whole day ahead of the Catholic Church's response to climate change. I mean I knew Canada's New-Car-Smell Government lessthanthrees priorities and rapid responses, but it barely eked out the Roman Catholic Church. If the Catholic Church has represented anything in the past 2000 years it has been slow, slow, slow acceptance of new ideas (as in only accepting them when they become old ideas, if at all).

In terms of Alberta, 'Steady Eddy' Ed Stelmach has announced comfort with the federal plan as it is largely synchronous with the Albertan green plan announced earlier this year. Hold the phone. For all their reputation, Alberta had a green plan before the Feds? Needless to say, the Albertan plan, just like the Fed plan, has been judged to only be all small part of what is necessary.


Well, at least now we have God on our side.
xoxo
-Matt

Justin-Time in Papineau

JT (not Timberlake but Trudeau) is campaigning for the Liberal nomination in his Montreal riding. Unfortunately he's going to have to call the Ghostbusters 'cause according to the GAM:

Everywhere Justin Trudeau goes, the ghost of Pierre Trudeau goes with him.

This is hardly news, its not like he's campaigning in a riding that is literally next door to his father's old riding of Mount Royal. But the idea of a pirouetting ghost in "a melting pot of halal butchers, Pakistani groceries, [and] Italian espresso bars" is just creepy, I don't know maybe its just me. The point of the whole 'melting pot' play by the GAM was to exemplify how Trudeau faces an uphill battle because, instead of being in a riding full of rich anglophones, he has to appeal to immigrants. You know immigrants, those who traditionally hate the Liberals for their strict immigration policies and history of generally being bigoted...needless to say he's being hung out to dry.

As for being compared to Papa Trudeau, JT's having none of that. He insists "I am who I am"...and "Just watch me".
xoxo
-Matt

B-B-But B-B-Belinda!

As I watched this story develop on Radio-Canada.ca, my heart sunk. It grew from one paragraph to a whole page...I love the spindly spreading tentacles of the internet.

Belinda Stronach has decided to return to running Papa Frank's business after a meteoric (-Did he say meteoric? -I think he did.) career with both of Canada's major federal parties. Well I suppose we can say she did genuinely get a taste of both sides of the political spectrum. She has also endured the strife of both dating and being called a dog by 'Potato' Pete Mackay, an experience so traumatizing she (allegedly) ran into the arms of Maple Leafs bruiser Tie 'Theodore' Domi.

Actually I can attest to the 'allegedly': my brother saw Belinda, Tie and Tie's wife at the Whole Foods and Hazelton Lanes hammering out the details of their custody arrangements. What you don't believe me? For serious! You did read it on the internet. Belinda-watchers will have plenty of material for months to come.

Unfortunately it seems Belinda, sometimes dubbed one of the 40 most powerful women in business, will mostly be remembered for bringing back the floor-crossing debate, scandal, et SCANDALE! I wonder if she'll show up on Papa Frank's The Next Great Prime Minister...only as a host.

xoxo
-Matt

'Doggie Bag' Takes on Whole New Meaning

And we thought San Francisco was bad.

Today, the CBC reported that a committee from Toronto City Council is currently debating the change of the classic slogan "Poop and Scoop" to the much less catchy "Poop, Scoop, and Carry."

What does this mean for city dog owners? Proponents of this new idea, like Councillor Paula Fletcher, would have pooch walkers not only pick up after their pets, but carry the steaming bag with them until they get home. Her recommendation is that owners throw the refuse into their green bins, designed to collect resident organics, like food, popcorn bags, and now, dog crap.

Fletcher's "best" idea so far? Letting squeamish walkers "plac[e the waste] somewhere to be picked up on the way home" - clearly putting a plastic bag of shit on a park bench or monument is less disgusting or, as Fletcher says, "aesthetically pleasing," than, as she puts, "when you walk in a park and there's a [waste] basket and there's dangling white bags of dog poo there."

The suggestion itself surfaced after the 2006 waste audit showed that 23-27% of all park trash was dog waste. However, illegally dumped materials made up 10-15% of the waste. Hello? Illegally dumped materials? Shouldn't we be telling people to take their illegally dumped materials home with them? Let's get serious here - are dog owners ever going to get a break?

It's days like these I'm ashamed to be called a Torontonian... Torontoite? What the hell are we?

The Centre Cannot Hold!

Scarberians are alienated from Toronto! (Along with the rest of Canada...)

Danny Williams (Nfld. premier) attacks Harper in the GAM!

Mario Dumont is half-cuddly referendum preventer, half-automaton!

Worst of all : the Rheostatics say farewell!

Lauren, you may have to cover for me while I'm cowering in the chaos of it all...

xoxo
-Matt