Click here for Episode 2!

This week:

• Lauren bites into the tequila worm and struggles with the teleprompter!
• Sarah regales us with her time in Saskatchewan!
• Matt makes noises with his mouth!
• Hear passing traffic!

All three prove to be horribly obtuse to the world around them!

xoxo
-Sarah

Chaos! from Sea to Sea to Sea

No, we have not abandoned you (singular), our focus has shifted to becoming a PODCAST. To round off the summer, I'm embarking on some thangs that reflect on the past two months (you know, the months with no posts).

This has been the summer of pestilence, to coin a phrase. Following mumps entering our hallow'd halls of academia at Dalhousie and Tuberculosis get close to our NWT tubers and a that guy who got on a plane, I was expected the other three horsemen at any moment. I still am, horseman aren't known for being on time. Until then pestilence continues to be taking its sweet, sweet infected time with us. Saskatchewan has seen 800 cases of West Nile Virus this summer. This summer is estimated to be the highest since 2003, when there were 947 infections. The closest 'Nile, Egypt' is 2639km away.

In the Northwest Territories 3 MLAs have had their seats acclaimed, Meg White, Jack White and Meg White, again. Let's just say that the tour in this summer was really popular. No one can compete with the Hardest [Campaign] Button to Button. Ah-oh. Acclamations are not all that uncommon North of 60, in 2003 19 seats were won by acclamation(apparently a good year for West Nile lovers and Democracy-haters).

Anyone go to V-Fest Toronto? Did you see Lauren? I didn't go or see Lauren!

UPDATE: In the past two days, power outages have affected both the Canadian heartland (we're Saskatchewanian Square at heart) and the Great Hereditary Ghiz Fiefdom of Prince Edward Island. Chaos, I tell you! Chaos!

What's a Bessarion? Closed, that's what.

Toronto City Hall is rife with politicking this week. First we were dealing with what amounts to the fall out of the City of Toronto Act that gave Toronto new 'revenue tools' (avenues for taxation to maintain...avenues). Now, we are dealing with the fallout of the success of a procedural waiting game initiated by councilors when they decided to 'Wait and see' what the provincial elections would bring. Great. So, what is the result of all this fallout? An overdone metaphor? Well for Sexy Transit Girls, it means the end of a crush on Adam Giambrone, who has declared he may/will be cutting service on the Sheppard Subway Line, a hike in fees (a whole moose/quarter!) and purging bus routes.

For those outside Toronto, let's take a look back on the Sheppard Line. And for those in Toronto, a look at the Sheppard Line for the first time.

What needs to be known: The Sheppard line was built in the 1990s under Mike Harris (Ontario preem) and Mel Lastman (furniture salesman er snow hater er Mayor). The 'subway to nowhere' was always considered underused/pointless. Of course I'm sure the people who lived in Don Mills didn't think so. I'm looking at you Cousin Sal. Admittedly, this whole thing stinks of politics, though Giambrone swears it is not. If he's being honest, he's off his 'brone.

A subway is largely considered, something you don't open if you don't need. However, closing it has awoken a slightly peeved T.O. zeitgeist, one that always sits next to the homeless guy, always is late for their train, always has something spilled on them, and always gets delayed by a health emergency and has to take the shuttle bus all the way to FREEKIN' DUNDAS STATION.

Also, as is very Torontonian at this point, there are many facebook groups to save the Sheppard line.

UPDATE: Two more.

Rabies is all 'la rage'

After my recent illness (I'm eating solids!), it's good to know there will be something new for hypochondriac Canucks to worry about: RABIES! or is it is known in French 'la rage'. It would seem there is an outbreak of rabies among the raccoon and forest critter population on the Québec-Vermont border. Thankfully something good has come out of this, I learned the word 'épizootie'. Epizooty, as is the English equivalent's appellation, is an outbreak of disease among a certain species of animals. Now back to causing a sensationalist worry to frighten all the hypochondriacs back under their beds! If the rabies epizooty were to make it to Montreal, the city's wooded Mont Royal park would become a hotbed of raccoon disease! Somebody tell Bert! THE RABID 'COONS ARE COMING!
ANYONE WEARING A COONSKIN IS A RABID-COONZOMBIE!

In other Québec enviro-news, there is a serious blue-green algae problem that's a-stirring. It has caused a ban on swimming in the Saguenay region. You do not want blue-green algae in your itsybitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikini. Though I'm sure you look great in it.

S2S2S(N): Obsolecence Edition

[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any the like. It aims to go, from sea to sea to sea...or as close as possible on any a regular basis.]

The Essence of Obsolescence is being replaced by a machine. An unthinking, always on, clap on/off machine, just ask a retired bowling-ball returner. Anyway, what use is it for me to scrounge the dingy corners of the internet (and what dingier corners are there than those occupied by the Vast Canadian Media Conspiracy?) when you can see all of the country all of the time.

In an effort to assuage those who think the CBC is a propaganda tool, CBCNEWS.ca has positioned itself as the unblinking eye on Canada. Big Mother Corp if you will. Tune in here for a LIVE webcam of your street. Maybe if you use some triangulation you can up your blog profile by posting some kind of signage in the webcam's sights. Crap, I've revealed my master plan.

Which Canadian city will become the new Lonelygirl15? Saskatoon, I'm watchin' you.

Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly): MP 'Sexiest', Sask MLA 'Most retired'

[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any the like. It aims to go, from sea to sea to sea...or as close as possible on any a regular basis.]

First off, awesome Ruby Dhalla news that wouldn't normally make STSTS(N). Who says democracy doesn't work, let alone work sexily? Ruby Dhalla tops the Sexiest Fem-P list according to the Hill Times. Woo. Dr Dhalla, let me just say, I've been pulling for you all along.

Moving on to the general theme, The Economist goes North. The Economist is taking a look at Canada's North to see, what's really going on up there? And in desperate search for an upside to global warming. Our intrepid correspondent remarks how hard it is to pronounce Iqaluit (EEK-ah-lu-IT) and how it led him to learning an Inuktituk swear. Also, there is this adorable polar bear photo:
Give it a look see. It's pretty neat to get some outsider perspective on the whole thing, without the obligator Northern Heritage bit that has so struck Mansbridge's heart. His wonderful, gravitas-pumping heart.

PEIFA (the P.E.I. Fishermen's Association) clearly a 'worker's' organization maintaining strict quotas and distorting the market value of crab, has given up this year. Actually, it doesn't have the funds to pay fishermen not to fish, by buying their licenses. Knowing that can't rely on brazen hooligan Premier Robert Ghiz, they're turning to the Feds to help them retire 20% of the existing licenses out East. Maybe I underestimated Ghiz, he shows up and these pesky quota-pushers are out. Bottom trawlers roll out!

Nova Scotia Lieutenant Governor Mayann Francis has been inspired by the Bay ads and has revived her garden party. I, for one, had little clue that garden parties had any traditional weight in Canada. I thought they were y'know, backyard BBQs, patio parties, and.. KEEGGGGERS. Now I know, you need a representative of the Queen and that catchy song by the soothing songstress in the HBC ad.

This week, Toronto Mayor David Miller caused quite the kerfuffle over some decals on city emergency vehicles. This was quite possibly the biggest non-fight of the year. After campaigning for a day, Miller hears about yesterday's triple casualties and retracts his bid to end the Year-long Yellow Ribbon Campaign. The whole affair was rather silly, most Torontonians were either mildly offended by the whole question, or benevolently indifferent that Miller kept the decals up. Deep thought: if the sticker sticks let it sticks, and Mr Mayor, hope this issue doesn't stick to your Wikipedia entry (legacy - see Colby Cosh, I can be current too).

'Toon-Town (Saskatoon) is now lighter one political heavyweight. Saskatchewan Party MLA Merriman has called for a cessation of all merriment (too easy) as he declares he will not run in the next provincial general election. Lorne Calvert is respectfully bemused. I think, I mean that is the impression he gives me. This is something that would bemuse him but he would be respectful. Well, if you're in the rest of Canada you don't really see him that often and I mean...

British Columbia has decide it was starting to resemble that other Columbia a little too closely and decided to crack-down on Lottery retailers. If you own a convenience store and want to sell scratch-and-wins, bingos and the like, you must now...take a course and be certified. This is a result of a 'scathing report' by the provincial ombudsman. Part of certification is a criminal background check, there goes Pickton's dream of opening a lotto kiosk. Let's hope he doesn't do anything rash.

That's all for this edition. Get lost...

Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly): Hot Albertan Nights and more!

[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any of the like. It aims to go from sea to sea to sea... or as close as possible on any regular basis.]

With all this talk lately of cumbersome fed-prov relationships, court cases and equalization, everyone seems to have forgotten about the day-to-day in these provinces. Before we get out East, we must start in Alberta.

Alberta has been a hot-bed of news activity in recent weeks. Sure, that doesn't mean we'd pay them too much attention. Of course, there was the Creation Science Museum (oxymoron?) but things changing (evolving?) are always more exciting to follow. Of course, things a-going on in Alberta include the Banff Television Festival. It's a pretty neat event, for real information on that and really neat analysis check out Denis McGrath's blog (I've been reading it forever and have finally seen it validated on CBCNewsworld). In other Albertan entertainment news, Calgary clubs (then bowling alleys) are sure to have been bursting with patrons following Prince Harry's recent much-published brush with a local barmaid and hottie. I'd say half were royal watchers. As for the other half... they were interested in the other half of that couple.

Also Alberta politics! An opening, brief glimmer of political non-uniformity in Wild Rose Country. Ralph Klein's former riding Calgary Elbow fell to the Alberta Liberals. Now Alberta follows PEI on the path to radical political change. Or not. Federal voting intentions are unlikely to change, as CalgaryGrit notes. Heck, who can really tell about provincial fortunes. It is clear we are entering a post-Ralph Klein era. He, apparently, was like Tito. Alberta is about to be swallowed by simmering tension. Again, or not. Now-Premier Ed Stelmach is calling to the Edmonton capital region to harmonize municipal taxes. The Alberta rumour-mill is rife (I blame the post-Prince Harry paparazzos)! Could there be plans for an Edmonton megacity?

In news relating to the Queen of Canada's vice-regal representatives, Lise Thibault, former Quebec Lieutenant-Governor, is under fire from the auditor-general over misrepresented personal spending. Oh, when will those vice-regents get it right. You're not supposed to spend taxpayer money on birthday parties (unless you're Conrad Black, substituting taxpayer for shareholder). You're supposed to spend them on lavish trips to Canada's North. Our beloved north and one of the aforementioned "Seas". Current Governor-General (and avid blogger) Michaelle Jean embarked on her own northern tour today. Here's a schedule if you're in the neighbourhood.

Finally, what's going on out East? Well, other than the ix-nay on the Accorday, many many things. New Brunswick, not a party to federal squabbles right now, is currently seeing many exciting municipal battles. Swinger and local club owner in Moncton (or local and swinger club owner... it may not be wise to assume) calls fire and safety inspections of his club intrusive saying they're "too much". Of course, none of this had to do with Flamin' Moe night at the Venus Club. In unrelated news, a Northern New Brunswick drug and prostitution ring has been broken up. No patrons of the Venus Club were available for comment.

Also, Robert Ghiz has been sworn in a long with his cabinet of incompetent buffoons. Most of which (all) have never been in a government. Some of which are actually from New Brunswick. Have you seen the cesspool of vice lately? (Above) The few (4) who have been elected have benefited from Ghiz's one-sided favouritism. As old friends from his Opposition days they've all been granted cabinet posts. Come on Ghiz, you know at least one of them was a real douche. Admit it.

Also, Dirt Shirt Scandal! Make sure yours is dyed-in-the-...cotton...with real PEI red dirt.

Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly)

[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any the like. It aims to go, from sea to sea to sea...or as close as possible on any a regular basis.]

Well it looks like it only took one more week for this, our the country is local close-up to actually make it from sea to sea to sea. Needless to say, it seems that one affliction seems to have stricken the land: gambling. From Beautiful BC all the way to the Yukon (that's the Arctic Ocean sunzabidges) and across this land to the Atlantic, Lotto companies are being met with charges of corruption. It seems like the hopes and prayers of many blue-haired church ladies (who just love the rush of imagining that cool 32 mill, and pimpin' their walkers) and the office pool (ready to turn on each others knives a-brandished) are being cheated. Rumours abound that a suspicious number of Lotto retailers have got been laying claim to the booty. In BC this led to the head of the BC Lottery Corp being fired. Atlantic Lotto, which administers lottery services in four provinces is going under review. In Yukon, Western Lotteries Corp promises nothing is amiss. Never have so many ill-gotten riches been so ill-gotten (you all know gambling's a sin). Who can you have faith in if not the Lottery and Gaming Commissions? Faith in that little ticket paying off? What about Atlantic Lotto's new online bingo?

You'd hardly think Alberta was facing a labour shortage with the way babies keep showing up all over the place. Nonetheless, the oil boom out West seems to be met with a baby boom, except what's happening to those babies is another matter. A baby was recently found on a doorstop Medicine Hat, just weeks after the Wal-Mart baby of Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. You know whose good at dealing with surplus babies? Brangelina...remember when they were shooting a movie in Calgary...

In PEI, Liberal Premier-designate has demonstrated that all Libs are alike, mere weeks after his election is facing a patronage scandal. Robert Ghiz, I told you I'd be watching you. Who do you think you are? Not ending the contracs made by the Progressive Conservatives in the past eleven years that have smacked of patronage and massively reappointing those contracts to Liberal friends... Honouring contracts in good-faith. You may be the next in a well-heeled political dynasty, Mr Ghiz but you know nothing about how politics work. Instead you hide behind the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. For shame. The next curiosity is how will he make that damn bridge bring in the Bordens, ten years later...

Speaking of bloated political dynasties, Gary Doer's Manitoba NDP has touched some yow-hot water. It looks like the riding of Wellington had a nomination SCANDAL-LE. Manitoba likes it political drama high-octane so you'll have to bear with me. Point form is the most dramatic:
-Wellington is an inner-city riding in Winnipeg, and traditional NDP stronghold. However, it was exposed due to accusations that previous candidate hadn't payed his dues. Years of service, and the man hasn't payed his dues!
-Joe Chan decides to up-and-run for the nomination, but it turns out he's up-and-running from a criminal past. Kind of like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive but without the chases, Tommy Lee Jones, and he's just not disclosing information as opposed to running from the police.
-Both run in the riding as independents (! , I know...), causing fears that a three-way split with the actual NDP candidate would split the vote and give rise to another party.
-At the last minute an inflammatory pamphlet (! , again) about Chan was sent around. Manitoba: The last time I heard about an inflammatory pamphlet was...Martin Luther's 95 Theses in 1517.
-The NDP candidate won more than half the popular vote. I must admit it seems "Manitoba: Just Do'er" is GOLD west of Kenora.