Scarberians are alienated from Toronto! (Along with the rest of Canada...)
Danny Williams (Nfld. premier) attacks Harper in the GAM!
Mario Dumont is half-cuddly referendum preventer, half-automaton!
Worst of all : the Rheostatics say farewell!
Lauren, you may have to cover for me while I'm cowering in the chaos of it all...
xoxo
-Matt
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Become a Jedi Shipping & Mailing Master!
Unfortunately this is not happening in Canada. Or maybe fortunately my inner SW-geek has yet to decide. The United States Postal Service is releasing a series of Star Wars stamps. In an odd coincidence I was talking to some ladies (yes, they were ladies!) who were contemplating the joys of their youth in relation to both Jedismo and stamp-collecting.
Anyway it involves voting for the best stamp...or some kind of voting. My understanding is you don't even need to be an American to vote!
Exercise your franchise over the franchise!
xoxo
-Matt
P.S. Beware! Swooping tie-fighter and lightsaber sound effects!
Anyway it involves voting for the best stamp...or some kind of voting. My understanding is you don't even need to be an American to vote!
Exercise your franchise over the franchise!
xoxo
-Matt
P.S. Beware! Swooping tie-fighter and lightsaber sound effects!
San Francisco's "best-friends" may find new ban poses sticky situation.
Yesterday, four-legged San Franciscans and their owners found themselves hard-pressed to find a solution to their city's new plastic grocery bag ban.
City Officials believe that this move will spur on other conservation methods in the Californian peninsula. They are already claiming that the ban is an excellent step to redcuing greenhouse gas emissions, citing that the average 200 million bags they use contribute to about 4.2 million kilograms of carbon dioxide getting released into the air.
Though environmental groups and pinkos alike are lauding the plan, many of the town's inhabitants, dog-owners especially, are wondering what to do when their plastic-bag supplies run dry.
It is projected that San Francisco canines produce a whopping 4.2 million kilograms of excrement in a given year. An amount that, without the proper provisions, could be catastrophic for the City By the Bay.
"It's not that I don't want to help the environment," said Castro resident Mark Knobb as life partner Derek plays with their 3-year-old Boodle (that's bulldog-poodle), "But it's not like I'm going to pick up after Sassy here with resusable canvas totes - that's just ridiculous."
Ross Mikarimi, who introduced the ban in the city legislature, was available for comment but could only muster a slew of derogatory remarks, which this publication has tastefully chosen to omit.
Following suit on the ban is the small Manitoban town of Leaf Rapids, as is the copycat British Columbian region of Rossland. There is no word, however, on how their respective governments will deal with the inevitable dog problems, not to mention those whiny bastards at OPEC.
City Officials believe that this move will spur on other conservation methods in the Californian peninsula. They are already claiming that the ban is an excellent step to redcuing greenhouse gas emissions, citing that the average 200 million bags they use contribute to about 4.2 million kilograms of carbon dioxide getting released into the air.
Though environmental groups and pinkos alike are lauding the plan, many of the town's inhabitants, dog-owners especially, are wondering what to do when their plastic-bag supplies run dry.
It is projected that San Francisco canines produce a whopping 4.2 million kilograms of excrement in a given year. An amount that, without the proper provisions, could be catastrophic for the City By the Bay.
"It's not that I don't want to help the environment," said Castro resident Mark Knobb as life partner Derek plays with their 3-year-old Boodle (that's bulldog-poodle), "But it's not like I'm going to pick up after Sassy here with resusable canvas totes - that's just ridiculous."
Ross Mikarimi, who introduced the ban in the city legislature, was available for comment but could only muster a slew of derogatory remarks, which this publication has tastefully chosen to omit.
Following suit on the ban is the small Manitoban town of Leaf Rapids, as is the copycat British Columbian region of Rossland. There is no word, however, on how their respective governments will deal with the inevitable dog problems, not to mention those whiny bastards at OPEC.
CSIS Thesis: Rewrite
The Globe and Mail reports that Harper's original proposal for a new Canadian foreign intelligence gathering agency have fizzled. Related officials and experts have been generally tight-lipped on the whole affair.
Seriously. I quote the GAM:
But she [Ms. Bloodworth, expert spy expert] would not disclose whether she favoured a new agency, saying her advice is only for Mr. Harper's ears. Officials are hesitant to discuss it publicly,...I told you so.
xoxo
-Matt
Quebec Election Results!
Is there any point in me repeating the obvious?
OK, fine.
The Liberals (of Quebec, unaffiliated with the Liberals of Canada) have managed to eke out a minority (eke being the preferred term by most sources). The upset here is the ADQ result, or was it the PQ result? Is it more surprising that the ADQ has become the second party or the the PQ has been relegated to third? Dumont's victory is not a victory for federalism, the chorus says, it is one for the 'autonomists'.
I hope the robot overlords will be kind (ou "bien gentil") to our Québécois brethren.
xoxo
-Matt
OK, fine.
The Liberals (of Quebec, unaffiliated with the Liberals of Canada) have managed to eke out a minority (eke being the preferred term by most sources). The upset here is the ADQ result, or was it the PQ result? Is it more surprising that the ADQ has become the second party or the the PQ has been relegated to third? Dumont's victory is not a victory for federalism, the chorus says, it is one for the 'autonomists'.
I hope the robot overlords will be kind (ou "bien gentil") to our Québécois brethren.
xoxo
-Matt
Friday, March 23, 2007
RE: Lenten Resolutions
Dear readers (and soon-to-be listeners),
You've been sold a package of goods. After the relentless character assassination of by my co-host that occurred last week, I would not be surprised if you felt the urge to never read or listen to me again.
I implore you, do not follow this urge. It only helps Lauren's rapidly inflating ego (and gives her energy to sustain her resolution) and hurts you. For you are depriving yourself of my hilarity.
Lauren's dismissal of my Lenten resolution (fish isn't meat! ask the infallible Pope of Rome, who decreed it to be not-meat on numerous occasions) and judgment of my weakness in what can only be described as the tempting oasis that was M.C. Well, let her judge. BUT! I will only accept the judgment from my one true Judge: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's right, that's who.
It must also be noted, that Lauren is a non-red meat eating 'pseudo'-vegetarian 365 to 366 days a year. If you want to talk about a failed commitment I see no better example. If I were to have resolved to be a vegetarian by her standards I could eat all the chicken I want! Lord, I am weak and I want chicken! I WANT!
In a spirit of compassion, I offer her pillows as she walks through the day in an exhausted haze, while she dangles the corpses of various animals in front of my face.
My character is upstanding, my eyes are green, and I like long walks on the beach. Reserve your judgment for the show, reserve judging me for Him, and please (please) eat meat. Not a single calf, pig or roast (roast is an animal, right?) should survive due to my intransigent pesco-vegetarianism.
Not willing to take the low road, I will not say that Lauren is a liar OR a cheat. I will only subtly imply that Lauren is of somewhat less than savoury moral character. Lauren is of somewhat less than savoury moral character. Wow, that was subtle.
This belligerence on her part is driven by lack of sleep, so, in the spirit of the season: I forgive you Lauren. Come home and let's make some internet history.
xoxo
-Matt
You've been sold a package of goods. After the relentless character assassination of by my co-host that occurred last week, I would not be surprised if you felt the urge to never read or listen to me again.
I implore you, do not follow this urge. It only helps Lauren's rapidly inflating ego (and gives her energy to sustain her resolution) and hurts you. For you are depriving yourself of my hilarity.
Lauren's dismissal of my Lenten resolution (fish isn't meat! ask the infallible Pope of Rome, who decreed it to be not-meat on numerous occasions) and judgment of my weakness in what can only be described as the tempting oasis that was M.C. Well, let her judge. BUT! I will only accept the judgment from my one true Judge: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's right, that's who.
It must also be noted, that Lauren is a non-red meat eating 'pseudo'-vegetarian 365 to 366 days a year. If you want to talk about a failed commitment I see no better example. If I were to have resolved to be a vegetarian by her standards I could eat all the chicken I want! Lord, I am weak and I want chicken! I WANT!
In a spirit of compassion, I offer her pillows as she walks through the day in an exhausted haze, while she dangles the corpses of various animals in front of my face.
My character is upstanding, my eyes are green, and I like long walks on the beach. Reserve your judgment for the show, reserve judging me for Him, and please (please) eat meat. Not a single calf, pig or roast (roast is an animal, right?) should survive due to my intransigent pesco-vegetarianism.
Not willing to take the low road, I will not say that Lauren is a liar OR a cheat. I will only subtly imply that Lauren is of somewhat less than savoury moral character. Lauren is of somewhat less than savoury moral character. Wow, that was subtle.
This belligerence on her part is driven by lack of sleep, so, in the spirit of the season: I forgive you Lauren. Come home and let's make some internet history.
xoxo
-Matt
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Lenten Resolutions...
Reader(s), the last few weeks have been hell.
The curly-haired miscreant that calls himself my co-host has been offering pillows, soothing words, even sung a lullaby or two.
This is because I have given up sleeping in for Lent.
Now, for a normal person, this would not be considered difficult. They would merely go to sleep earlier and wake up at a Jesus-approved hour. I, however, am not a normal person, and I do not have a normal co-host.
Though I expect an equally verbose counter-argument from Matt, I want to get the word in edgewise that I have been sticking whole-heartedly to this resolution, though the bags under my eyes are hanging somewhere down around my knees. Even over the time change weekend, I braved the rest of that Sunday with three hours of quality snooze under my belt.
Reader(s), you will be sad to hear that Matt has not. He's been eating fish from day one, saying that it's not really meat (though it looks awfully like meat to me). And, though he would tell you he was force-fed chicken by his otherwise lovely hosts at Massey College, I assure you that this is not the case.
I write this not as libel but as a warning to you - when MALITM (BATN) hits the cast-waves, know that Matt is a liar and a cheat and any news that comes from his mouth is probably grossly misinterpreted (and might smell slightly of roast beef).
A lesser person would have given up, but not me, dear reader(s).
I love you too much.
A vindictive Lauren.
The curly-haired miscreant that calls himself my co-host has been offering pillows, soothing words, even sung a lullaby or two.
This is because I have given up sleeping in for Lent.
Now, for a normal person, this would not be considered difficult. They would merely go to sleep earlier and wake up at a Jesus-approved hour. I, however, am not a normal person, and I do not have a normal co-host.
Though I expect an equally verbose counter-argument from Matt, I want to get the word in edgewise that I have been sticking whole-heartedly to this resolution, though the bags under my eyes are hanging somewhere down around my knees. Even over the time change weekend, I braved the rest of that Sunday with three hours of quality snooze under my belt.
Reader(s), you will be sad to hear that Matt has not. He's been eating fish from day one, saying that it's not really meat (though it looks awfully like meat to me). And, though he would tell you he was force-fed chicken by his otherwise lovely hosts at Massey College, I assure you that this is not the case.
I write this not as libel but as a warning to you - when MALITM (BATN) hits the cast-waves, know that Matt is a liar and a cheat and any news that comes from his mouth is probably grossly misinterpreted (and might smell slightly of roast beef).
A lesser person would have given up, but not me, dear reader(s).
I love you too much.
A vindictive Lauren.
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