Ô Canada...
Originally uploaded by Eric Hudon
Happy Canada Day! Joyeux Fête du Canada!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
A Week of Drudgery (Personally)
This week, much has happened. I mean CNN seriously devoted a whole two hours to Paris Hilton and Anderson Cooper saying, in shock, "I don't get it". In any case, this week I was unable to provide you your fill of what is happening coast to coast to coast in S2S2S(n) or the wacky commentary of Internet Wars. If nothing else, we provide you with cumbersome titles around here.
Unfortunately, I can't blame a vast, worldwide conspiracy (normally called slow news-week) for my lack of posting. Who hasn't had something to say about all that has been going on? Oh, yea, me.
ALSO, I'd like to gloat: POLAND beat Brazil today. In U20 Soccer. That bodes well for the Polish Wolrd Cup soccer in...under twenty years? Needless to say, tomorrow, my POLSKA t-shirt and ITALIA jersey are sidelined. I'll only be waving one flag.
Unfortunately, I can't blame a vast, worldwide conspiracy (normally called slow news-week) for my lack of posting. Who hasn't had something to say about all that has been going on? Oh, yea, me.
ALSO, I'd like to gloat: POLAND beat Brazil today. In U20 Soccer. That bodes well for the Polish Wolrd Cup soccer in...under twenty years? Needless to say, tomorrow, my POLSKA t-shirt and ITALIA jersey are sidelined. I'll only be waving one flag.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
"Cross Your Fingers" Now Slang for "Empty the Accounts and Head for the Border"
This is it, readers. Lord Conrad Black's fate rests in the combined 24 hands of twelve, mostly female jurors.
After a slanderous lifetime of Prosecutor Eric Sussman's final statements to the jury, the Globe reported that, besides being sexy, "Lord Black... sat stone-faced... as Mr. Sussman spoke . He seemed weary, looking up at the ceiling and sighing as he and his co-defendants were once again called liars by the prosecution."
I have nothing to worry about, and I'll tell you why.
a) Sussman ended his closing remarks by showing the Jury a 2002 email written by Black, which read, "Two years from now no one will remember any of this." And Lord Black was totally right. This investigation bullshit didn't really heat up until 2005. So there, Sussman. Your email is a moot point.
and
b) The jury is MOSTLY FEMALE. Other than the offchance of all of those women being lesbians, there is no way that they will be able to resist the cool, collected charms/wiles/money of Lord Conrad Black. He's the George Clooney of the corporate world, minus the compromising 1980's mullet photos. And because the decision has to be unanimous, it looks like Conrad's going to walk.
...
Conrad, if they convict you you can stay in my basement.
After a slanderous lifetime of Prosecutor Eric Sussman's final statements to the jury, the Globe reported that, besides being sexy, "Lord Black... sat stone-faced... as Mr. Sussman spoke . He seemed weary, looking up at the ceiling and sighing as he and his co-defendants were once again called liars by the prosecution."
I have nothing to worry about, and I'll tell you why.
a) Sussman ended his closing remarks by showing the Jury a 2002 email written by Black, which read, "Two years from now no one will remember any of this." And Lord Black was totally right. This investigation bullshit didn't really heat up until 2005. So there, Sussman. Your email is a moot point.
and
b) The jury is MOSTLY FEMALE. Other than the offchance of all of those women being lesbians, there is no way that they will be able to resist the cool, collected charms/wiles/money of Lord Conrad Black. He's the George Clooney of the corporate world, minus the compromising 1980's mullet photos. And because the decision has to be unanimous, it looks like Conrad's going to walk.
...
Conrad, if they convict you you can stay in my basement.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly): MP 'Sexiest', Sask MLA 'Most retired'
[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any the like. It aims to go, from sea to sea to sea...or as close as possible on any a regular basis.]
First off, awesome Ruby Dhalla news that wouldn't normally make STSTS(N). Who says democracy doesn't work, let alone work sexily? Ruby Dhalla tops the Sexiest Fem-P list according to the Hill Times. Woo. Dr Dhalla, let me just say, I've been pulling for you all along.
Moving on to the general theme, The Economist goes North. The Economist is taking a look at Canada's North to see, what's really going on up there? And in desperate search for an upside to global warming. Our intrepid correspondent remarks how hard it is to pronounce Iqaluit (EEK-ah-lu-IT) and how it led him to learning an Inuktituk swear. Also, there is this adorable polar bear photo:
Give it a look see. It's pretty neat to get some outsider perspective on the whole thing, without the obligator Northern Heritage bit that has so struck Mansbridge's heart. His wonderful, gravitas-pumping heart.
PEIFA (the P.E.I. Fishermen's Association) clearly a 'worker's' organization maintaining strict quotas and distorting the market value of crab, has given up this year. Actually, it doesn't have the funds to pay fishermen not to fish, by buying their licenses. Knowing that can't rely on brazen hooligan Premier Robert Ghiz, they're turning to the Feds to help them retire 20% of the existing licenses out East. Maybe I underestimated Ghiz, he shows up and these pesky quota-pushers are out. Bottom trawlers roll out!
Nova Scotia Lieutenant Governor Mayann Francis has been inspired by the Bay ads and has revived her garden party. I, for one, had little clue that garden parties had any traditional weight in Canada. I thought they were y'know, backyard BBQs, patio parties, and.. KEEGGGGERS. Now I know, you need a representative of the Queen and that catchy song by the soothing songstress in the HBC ad.
This week, Toronto Mayor David Miller caused quite the kerfuffle over some decals on city emergency vehicles. This was quite possibly the biggest non-fight of the year. After campaigning for a day, Miller hears about yesterday's triple casualties and retracts his bid to end the Year-long Yellow Ribbon Campaign. The whole affair was rather silly, most Torontonians were either mildly offended by the whole question, or benevolently indifferent that Miller kept the decals up. Deep thought: if the sticker sticks let it sticks, and Mr Mayor, hope this issue doesn't stick to your Wikipedia entry (legacy - see Colby Cosh, I can be current too).
'Toon-Town (Saskatoon) is now lighter one political heavyweight. Saskatchewan Party MLA Merriman has called for a cessation of all merriment (too easy) as he declares he will not run in the next provincial general election. Lorne Calvert is respectfully bemused. I think, I mean that is the impression he gives me. This is something that would bemuse him but he would be respectful. Well, if you're in the rest of Canada you don't really see him that often and I mean...
British Columbia has decide it was starting to resemble that other Columbia a little too closely and decided to crack-down on Lottery retailers. If you own a convenience store and want to sell scratch-and-wins, bingos and the like, you must now...take a course and be certified. This is a result of a 'scathing report' by the provincial ombudsman. Part of certification is a criminal background check, there goes Pickton's dream of opening a lotto kiosk. Let's hope he doesn't do anything rash.
That's all for this edition. Get lost...
First off, awesome Ruby Dhalla news that wouldn't normally make STSTS(N). Who says democracy doesn't work, let alone work sexily? Ruby Dhalla tops the Sexiest Fem-P list according to the Hill Times. Woo. Dr Dhalla, let me just say, I've been pulling for you all along.
Moving on to the general theme, The Economist goes North. The Economist is taking a look at Canada's North to see, what's really going on up there? And in desperate search for an upside to global warming. Our intrepid correspondent remarks how hard it is to pronounce Iqaluit (EEK-ah-lu-IT) and how it led him to learning an Inuktituk swear. Also, there is this adorable polar bear photo:
Give it a look see. It's pretty neat to get some outsider perspective on the whole thing, without the obligator Northern Heritage bit that has so struck Mansbridge's heart. His wonderful, gravitas-pumping heart.PEIFA (the P.E.I. Fishermen's Association) clearly a 'worker's' organization maintaining strict quotas and distorting the market value of crab, has given up this year. Actually, it doesn't have the funds to pay fishermen not to fish, by buying their licenses. Knowing that can't rely on brazen hooligan Premier Robert Ghiz, they're turning to the Feds to help them retire 20% of the existing licenses out East. Maybe I underestimated Ghiz, he shows up and these pesky quota-pushers are out. Bottom trawlers roll out!
Nova Scotia Lieutenant Governor Mayann Francis has been inspired by the Bay ads and has revived her garden party. I, for one, had little clue that garden parties had any traditional weight in Canada. I thought they were y'know, backyard BBQs, patio parties, and.. KEEGGGGERS. Now I know, you need a representative of the Queen and that catchy song by the soothing songstress in the HBC ad.
This week, Toronto Mayor David Miller caused quite the kerfuffle over some decals on city emergency vehicles. This was quite possibly the biggest non-fight of the year. After campaigning for a day, Miller hears about yesterday's triple casualties and retracts his bid to end the Year-long Yellow Ribbon Campaign. The whole affair was rather silly, most Torontonians were either mildly offended by the whole question, or benevolently indifferent that Miller kept the decals up. Deep thought: if the sticker sticks let it sticks, and Mr Mayor, hope this issue doesn't stick to your Wikipedia entry (legacy - see Colby Cosh, I can be current too).
'Toon-Town (Saskatoon) is now lighter one political heavyweight. Saskatchewan Party MLA Merriman has called for a cessation of all merriment (too easy) as he declares he will not run in the next provincial general election. Lorne Calvert is respectfully bemused. I think, I mean that is the impression he gives me. This is something that would bemuse him but he would be respectful. Well, if you're in the rest of Canada you don't really see him that often and I mean...
British Columbia has decide it was starting to resemble that other Columbia a little too closely and decided to crack-down on Lottery retailers. If you own a convenience store and want to sell scratch-and-wins, bingos and the like, you must now...take a course and be certified. This is a result of a 'scathing report' by the provincial ombudsman. Part of certification is a criminal background check, there goes Pickton's dream of opening a lotto kiosk. Let's hope he doesn't do anything rash.
That's all for this edition. Get lost...
Colby Cosh loves world peace?
I have been on a downward spiral this week. The National Post commissioned a five-part series about THE NEXT WAR. In what was basically starting to look like historian war-mongering self-touching "fanfic", journalist after journalist would take at the world as of 2007 and extrapolate trying to guess what the next major conflict would be.
This is, admittedly, not an entirely alien idea. Instances like the EU-USA war or the idea of an all out war against Islam just don't sit well. Maybe I'm one of those dagnabbed pinko coward bastards they bitch about in these articles. Just when the exercise seems genuinely limited to xenophobia and fear-mongering, Colby Cosh enters. Now Mr Cosh is not exactly reputable for being dove-ish or even generally likeable by anyone left of Ralph Klein. Heck, not even anyone standing to the left of Nancy Reagan particularly likes him.
He not only shouts out to Wikipedia, to show how cool he is, but predicts...no war. NO WAR! The only columnist who doesn't predict a millenial smackdown. He somehow seeming measured in his analysis! Colby Cosh is like John Lennon or maybe even Gandhi. COSH FOR PEACE!
Someone set him up with Yoko...
This is, admittedly, not an entirely alien idea. Instances like the EU-USA war or the idea of an all out war against Islam just don't sit well. Maybe I'm one of those dagnabbed pinko coward bastards they bitch about in these articles. Just when the exercise seems genuinely limited to xenophobia and fear-mongering, Colby Cosh enters. Now Mr Cosh is not exactly reputable for being dove-ish or even generally likeable by anyone left of Ralph Klein. Heck, not even anyone standing to the left of Nancy Reagan particularly likes him.
He not only shouts out to Wikipedia, to show how cool he is, but predicts...no war. NO WAR! The only columnist who doesn't predict a millenial smackdown. He somehow seeming measured in his analysis! Colby Cosh is like John Lennon or maybe even Gandhi. COSH FOR PEACE!
Someone set him up with Yoko...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Harper Trusted as Much as the Canadian Tire Guy
An Ipsos-Reid Poll found that Stephen Harper is trusted as much (less but within the margin of error) as the run-of-the-mill hardware store employee for advice on how to pursue eco-friendly renovations in the home. It might be because his idea of getting consensus on environmental legislation is dispatching John "ARGH" Baird to alienate stakeholders (well, as is often noted, not...all stakeholders). This is after all of his attempts to appeal to the Tim Horton's set...which does overlap with the reno set. Don't pretend. The poll also examines what Canadians are doing with global warming in mind (with little help from government tax-credits, etc.).
Hillary and You (and I)
So Hillary Clinton's campaign song has been chosen. Her formidable campaign machine was shushed in favour of the dear public casting their vote for their favourite tune. She has chosen You and I by (in)famous songstress Celine Dion...who has mostly been disowned in her native Quebec/Canada, partially because of chest-thumping and her creepy husband. Admittedly you can see why Hillary Clinton wants to be associated with this song.
Or is it that this song was originally used in an Air Canada ad? So Hillary has chosen to associate herself with a bloated domestic Canadian carrier, that has very little love at home. It is derided both as a former Crown Corporation ("Damn pinko bastards!" I hear) and for the general surly-ness of current staff. That's what critics say though, I mean, supporters look to...well they have some carriers associated with nifty music Jazz and Tango.
So there you go, Hillary is saying I'm part of the left-wing vestiges, can be cranky but I dig funky music. Hillary '08.
Or is it that this song was originally used in an Air Canada ad? So Hillary has chosen to associate herself with a bloated domestic Canadian carrier, that has very little love at home. It is derided both as a former Crown Corporation ("Damn pinko bastards!" I hear) and for the general surly-ness of current staff. That's what critics say though, I mean, supporters look to...well they have some carriers associated with nifty music Jazz and Tango.
So there you go, Hillary is saying I'm part of the left-wing vestiges, can be cranky but I dig funky music. Hillary '08.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Don't get on that plane!
After watching a few too many Lou Dobbs specials on how porous the USA-Canada border is the New Canadian government has decided to take action. Not only have we had legislation put forward to arm border-guards and make it easier to get a passport (isn't that counter-intuitive?), no we have a no-fly list. I personally love lists. I know of many people who love lists. David Letterman, McSweeney's readers (Lauren), Warren Kinsella, heck I'm pretty psyched about a good list every once in a while. Especially funny lists. It looks like the new no-fly list is going to be no expception. It's going to be har-har-hilarious, especially if you (like Conservative MPs Michelle Cook or John Williams - hey didn't that guy write the Star Wars theme?) are unfairly kept from flying. "What!? I won't be able to make it to Christmas with the in-laws in 'Toon-town(Saskatoon)?"
Jack Layton, NDP leader and crystal ball owner, predicts: “They're essentially forcing a citizen to correct the record if they've been mistakenly placed there and that can come after some considerable inconvenience and embarrassment and maybe worse.” After having been labelled Taliban Jack by Tory pundits, he would never wish that on Michelle Cook-ing Up Some TNT or Al-Qaeda John Williams.
Other critics are harsher. They call the no-fly list a charade, unlikely to be effective and likely inconvenient to many. One critic, Barry Prentice, the director of the Transport Institute at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, has a novel idea. Make the list the size of a hockey team...and call them "The Winnipeg Jets". They can play for the right to get on a plane. If they win the Cup, they can take-off. Hey, something'll work eventually...
***Correction: Michelle Cook and John Williams were not kept from flying, the no-fly list had not yet taken effect and they were warned they would have to clear their names. At least, that's what Mike Duffy told me.
Jack Layton, NDP leader and crystal ball owner, predicts: “They're essentially forcing a citizen to correct the record if they've been mistakenly placed there and that can come after some considerable inconvenience and embarrassment and maybe worse.” After having been labelled Taliban Jack by Tory pundits, he would never wish that on Michelle Cook-ing Up Some TNT or Al-Qaeda John Williams.
Other critics are harsher. They call the no-fly list a charade, unlikely to be effective and likely inconvenient to many. One critic, Barry Prentice, the director of the Transport Institute at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, has a novel idea. Make the list the size of a hockey team...and call them "The Winnipeg Jets". They can play for the right to get on a plane. If they win the Cup, they can take-off. Hey, something'll work eventually...
***Correction: Michelle Cook and John Williams were not kept from flying, the no-fly list had not yet taken effect and they were warned they would have to clear their names. At least, that's what Mike Duffy told me.
It Appears that the Tables have Turned...
Alas, all of my campaigning for dog plastic-bag rights was for naught. My furry ex-friends have turned on me, and taken the one thing I've been training to do for years, something that would propel me into the good kind of infamy...
... famy.
Indeed, dogs have learned to smell cancer. The Vancouver Sun reported yesterday that Freeman, a rare leopard dog, sniffed at his owner's right breast until it, in the words of owner Darcy Ingram, "swelled up like a cantaloupe."
Freeman is proving what captial "S" Scientists published in the March 2006 issue of Integrative Cancer Therapies: That dogs can smell cancer on the breath of breast cancer and lung cancer patients.
While I have to applaud the canine ability to sniff out breast cancer, I can smell lung cancer from a mile away. It's called a Marlboro, pooch, get with it.
Even still, it looks like the dogs are one-upping me on this one. They can smell bladder cancer in urine, and skin cancer in "skin lesions" (I put this in quotes because I have no fucking idea what skin lesions are, and I doubt very much that the dogs do, either).
What really worries me is the disturbing series of events before and after Ingram's successful treatment. She reported, that, prior to her knowing about the some 12 centimetres of tumours brewing in her breast, Freeman "wouldn't leave that breast alone."
And, more recently, she had said, "Freeman can do whatever he wants." Um, I think it's obvious what Freeman wants to do.
Be a total dog-perv, that's what.
... famy.
Indeed, dogs have learned to smell cancer. The Vancouver Sun reported yesterday that Freeman, a rare leopard dog, sniffed at his owner's right breast until it, in the words of owner Darcy Ingram, "swelled up like a cantaloupe."
Freeman is proving what captial "S" Scientists published in the March 2006 issue of Integrative Cancer Therapies: That dogs can smell cancer on the breath of breast cancer and lung cancer patients.
While I have to applaud the canine ability to sniff out breast cancer, I can smell lung cancer from a mile away. It's called a Marlboro, pooch, get with it.
Even still, it looks like the dogs are one-upping me on this one. They can smell bladder cancer in urine, and skin cancer in "skin lesions" (I put this in quotes because I have no fucking idea what skin lesions are, and I doubt very much that the dogs do, either).
What really worries me is the disturbing series of events before and after Ingram's successful treatment. She reported, that, prior to her knowing about the some 12 centimetres of tumours brewing in her breast, Freeman "wouldn't leave that breast alone."
And, more recently, she had said, "Freeman can do whatever he wants." Um, I think it's obvious what Freeman wants to do.
Be a total dog-perv, that's what.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Doctor in the House? Doctor Dhalla in dahouse!
Who knew life on the Hill was so much part-Medical drama? I'd always thought of it as more of part-bitch fest, part-24 hour news cash-cow, and part-TV singing competition. I digress.
Let's set the very dramatic stage: Two rival camps meet across the hall every Wednesday. Sworn enemies, never united. Not by blood, never by love (if never-er by respect). The Liberalos and the Conservapulettes. Suddenly, Convervapulette MP Nina Grewal faints (!) to cries of "Is there a doctor in the house!?" The shocking revelation, not a single member of the Conservapulette caucus is an ex-Medicolo. Conservapulettes desperate to save their comrade (though they would never say comrade, that's one of those dirty NDP words) cross the Centre Block to the Liberalo caucus (which is the only one with ex-Meds...the Toronto Star emphasizes). Who rises to the challenge?! Bernard Patry (Pierrefonds-Dollard) and Ruby Dhalla (Brampton-Springdale-My-Dreams). Of course, Dr Dhalla tagged along in case the fainting was brought on by a killer backspasm. Needless to say, c'est tout reglé. It was a minor incident. But oh so rrrrrriveting.
Let's set the very dramatic stage: Two rival camps meet across the hall every Wednesday. Sworn enemies, never united. Not by blood, never by love (if never-er by respect). The Liberalos and the Conservapulettes. Suddenly, Convervapulette MP Nina Grewal faints (!) to cries of "Is there a doctor in the house!?" The shocking revelation, not a single member of the Conservapulette caucus is an ex-Medicolo. Conservapulettes desperate to save their comrade (though they would never say comrade, that's one of those dirty NDP words) cross the Centre Block to the Liberalo caucus (which is the only one with ex-Meds...the Toronto Star emphasizes). Who rises to the challenge?! Bernard Patry (Pierrefonds-Dollard) and Ruby Dhalla (Brampton-Springdale-My-Dreams). Of course, Dr Dhalla tagged along in case the fainting was brought on by a killer backspasm. Needless to say, c'est tout reglé. It was a minor incident. But oh so rrrrrriveting.
Finally, Big Brother is watching me...
It's the future, boys and girls, and I was promised a lot of things. OK, my parents were promised a lot of things for their children, namely me, and I'm here to collect. Flying cars, jet packs, movators, dysotpian dictatorships, continental global conflict, mass production of genetically ideal human beings. I'm still quite dissappointed that I can't own my very own Orbity. Things are moving slow, but they are moving there.
Despite the reports that Canada isn't innovative enough: A start-up company in Kingston, Ontario has developed a billboard that watches you. Yes, Yakov Smirnov fans, it's true. Eric Blair, George Orwell to the uninitiated, is jumping for joy up yellin' "TOLD YOU SO, Aldous Huxley!" at the big dysptoian novelist "bar+café" in the sky. He probably even dropped his panini.
Advertisers will be watching us the way we were promised big government would. Oh, that market and it's trusty invisible hand (and now invisible eye). I demand to be watched constantly, and you supply. Waitasec...
Despite the reports that Canada isn't innovative enough: A start-up company in Kingston, Ontario has developed a billboard that watches you. Yes, Yakov Smirnov fans, it's true. Eric Blair, George Orwell to the uninitiated, is jumping for joy up yellin' "TOLD YOU SO, Aldous Huxley!" at the big dysptoian novelist "bar+café" in the sky. He probably even dropped his panini.
Advertisers will be watching us the way we were promised big government would. Oh, that market and it's trusty invisible hand (and now invisible eye). I demand to be watched constantly, and you supply. Waitasec...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly): Hot Albertan Nights and more!
[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any of the like. It aims to go from sea to sea to sea... or as close as possible on any regular basis.]
With all this talk lately of cumbersome fed-prov relationships, court cases and equalization, everyone seems to have forgotten about the day-to-day in these provinces. Before we get out East, we must start in Alberta.
Alberta has been a hot-bed of news activity in recent weeks. Sure, that doesn't mean we'd pay them too much attention. Of course, there was the Creation Science Museum (oxymoron?) but things changing (evolving?) are always more exciting to follow. Of course, things a-going on in Alberta include the Banff Television Festival. It's a pretty neat event, for real information on that and really neat analysis check out Denis McGrath's blog (I've been reading it forever and have finally seen it validated on CBCNewsworld). In other Albertan entertainment news, Calgary clubs (then bowling alleys) are sure to have been bursting with patrons following Prince Harry's recent much-published brush with a local barmaid and hottie. I'd say half were royal watchers. As for the other half... they were interested in the other half of that couple.
Also Alberta politics! An opening, brief glimmer of political non-uniformity in Wild Rose Country. Ralph Klein's former riding Calgary Elbow fell to the Alberta Liberals. Now Alberta follows PEI on the path to radical political change. Or not. Federal voting intentions are unlikely to change, as CalgaryGrit notes. Heck, who can really tell about provincial fortunes. It is clear we are entering a post-Ralph Klein era. He, apparently, was like Tito. Alberta is about to be swallowed by simmering tension. Again, or not. Now-Premier Ed Stelmach is calling to the Edmonton capital region to harmonize municipal taxes. The Alberta rumour-mill is rife (I blame the post-Prince Harry paparazzos)! Could there be plans for an Edmonton megacity?
In news relating to the Queen of Canada's vice-regal representatives, Lise Thibault, former Quebec Lieutenant-Governor, is under fire from the auditor-general over misrepresented personal spending. Oh, when will those vice-regents get it right. You're not supposed to spend taxpayer money on birthday parties (unless you're Conrad Black, substituting taxpayer for shareholder). You're supposed to spend them on lavish trips to Canada's North. Our beloved north and one of the aforementioned "Seas". Current Governor-General (and avid blogger) Michaelle Jean embarked on her own northern tour today. Here's a schedule if you're in the neighbourhood.
Finally, what's going on out East? Well, other than the ix-nay on the Accorday, many many things. New Brunswick, not a party to federal squabbles right now, is currently seeing many exciting municipal battles. Swinger and local club owner in Moncton (or local and swinger club owner... it may not be wise to assume) calls fire and safety inspections of his club intrusive saying they're "too much". Of course, none of this had to do with Flamin' Moe night at the Venus Club. In unrelated news, a Northern New Brunswick drug and prostitution ring has been broken up. No patrons of the Venus Club were available for comment.
Also, Robert Ghiz has been sworn in a long with his cabinet of incompetent buffoons. Most of which (all) have never been in a government. Some of which are actually from New Brunswick. Have you seen the cesspool of vice lately? (Above) The few (4) who have been elected have benefited from Ghiz's one-sided favouritism. As old friends from his Opposition days they've all been granted cabinet posts. Come on Ghiz, you know at least one of them was a real douche. Admit it.
Also, Dirt Shirt Scandal! Make sure yours is dyed-in-the-...cotton...with real PEI red dirt.
With all this talk lately of cumbersome fed-prov relationships, court cases and equalization, everyone seems to have forgotten about the day-to-day in these provinces. Before we get out East, we must start in Alberta.
Alberta has been a hot-bed of news activity in recent weeks. Sure, that doesn't mean we'd pay them too much attention. Of course, there was the Creation Science Museum (oxymoron?) but things changing (evolving?) are always more exciting to follow. Of course, things a-going on in Alberta include the Banff Television Festival. It's a pretty neat event, for real information on that and really neat analysis check out Denis McGrath's blog (I've been reading it forever and have finally seen it validated on CBCNewsworld). In other Albertan entertainment news, Calgary clubs (then bowling alleys) are sure to have been bursting with patrons following Prince Harry's recent much-published brush with a local barmaid and hottie. I'd say half were royal watchers. As for the other half... they were interested in the other half of that couple.
Also Alberta politics! An opening, brief glimmer of political non-uniformity in Wild Rose Country. Ralph Klein's former riding Calgary Elbow fell to the Alberta Liberals. Now Alberta follows PEI on the path to radical political change. Or not. Federal voting intentions are unlikely to change, as CalgaryGrit notes. Heck, who can really tell about provincial fortunes. It is clear we are entering a post-Ralph Klein era. He, apparently, was like Tito. Alberta is about to be swallowed by simmering tension. Again, or not. Now-Premier Ed Stelmach is calling to the Edmonton capital region to harmonize municipal taxes. The Alberta rumour-mill is rife (I blame the post-Prince Harry paparazzos)! Could there be plans for an Edmonton megacity?
In news relating to the Queen of Canada's vice-regal representatives, Lise Thibault, former Quebec Lieutenant-Governor, is under fire from the auditor-general over misrepresented personal spending. Oh, when will those vice-regents get it right. You're not supposed to spend taxpayer money on birthday parties (unless you're Conrad Black, substituting taxpayer for shareholder). You're supposed to spend them on lavish trips to Canada's North. Our beloved north and one of the aforementioned "Seas". Current Governor-General (and avid blogger) Michaelle Jean embarked on her own northern tour today. Here's a schedule if you're in the neighbourhood.
Finally, what's going on out East? Well, other than the ix-nay on the Accorday, many many things. New Brunswick, not a party to federal squabbles right now, is currently seeing many exciting municipal battles. Swinger and local club owner in Moncton (or local and swinger club owner... it may not be wise to assume) calls fire and safety inspections of his club intrusive saying they're "too much". Of course, none of this had to do with Flamin' Moe night at the Venus Club. In unrelated news, a Northern New Brunswick drug and prostitution ring has been broken up. No patrons of the Venus Club were available for comment.
Also, Robert Ghiz has been sworn in a long with his cabinet of incompetent buffoons. Most of which (all) have never been in a government. Some of which are actually from New Brunswick. Have you seen the cesspool of vice lately? (Above) The few (4) who have been elected have benefited from Ghiz's one-sided favouritism. As old friends from his Opposition days they've all been granted cabinet posts. Come on Ghiz, you know at least one of them was a real douche. Admit it.
Also, Dirt Shirt Scandal! Make sure yours is dyed-in-the-...cotton...with real PEI red dirt.
I'll see you in court, says...Calvert?
For those of you confused by this whole equalization mess, you're not alone. Stephen Harper recently admitted: "Mr. Speaker, I don't even understand what they are saying anymore." You and me both. So, first we had the the Atlantic Accord which began with a certain big-chinned law-bringer named Brian Mulroney. This excluded offshore resource revenues from equalization and included them in the revenue of the provincial revenues of Newfoundland(andLabrador) and Nova Scotia. Then in 2005, Paul Martin renewed this whole thing, which you may or may not remember involved some flag-pole-dancing by Danny Williams.
The issue thus far: Premier Williams (PC Party-NL) embarked on a campaign not only against Stephen Harper's budget (ads in the GAM at the beginning of summer) but also against Harper himself. He says Harper broke his promise. Jim Flaherty (CPC -Ontario, former Harris cabinet minister) said "Na-uh". Then Bill Casey (CPC -NS) said "Ya-uh" and Premier Rodney McDonald (PC - NS) also said that because he spent his equalization money on debt-reduction...already. Now Bill Casey (CPC -NS) is Bill Casey (I - NS). The budget is in the Senate, senators (not Senators) are being asked to stall (which will not gain them any love from Harper).
You may be wondering: how does Saskatchewan and Premier Lorne Calvert (NDP) fit into all of this? Well, as neither an Atlantic province nor a province with any offshore resource revenues (you may remember, Saskatchewan is the completely landlocked rectangle one on your Map of Canada). Well, he says Harper broke a promise to him, his province and the people of the Atlantic provinces over included non-renewable resource revenues in equalization. Flaherty says the new equalization formula is even better for Saskatchewan. Calvert says "Tell it to the mice!"
You may be wondering: well why aren't we being told more about what the budget actually does? Well see, that would be the case if Harper had an effective communication strategy. Evidence right now points to he doesn't. When Williams attacked him, he said "Whatcho talkin' bout, I'm all bouts the Atlantic Accord like I said befo'" Quoth from the Harper quoth in Andrew Coyne's column (that gets through some crap, and avoids car metaphor-mangling):
The issue thus far: Premier Williams (PC Party-NL) embarked on a campaign not only against Stephen Harper's budget (ads in the GAM at the beginning of summer) but also against Harper himself. He says Harper broke his promise. Jim Flaherty (CPC -Ontario, former Harris cabinet minister) said "Na-uh". Then Bill Casey (CPC -NS) said "Ya-uh" and Premier Rodney McDonald (PC - NS) also said that because he spent his equalization money on debt-reduction...already. Now Bill Casey (CPC -NS) is Bill Casey (I - NS). The budget is in the Senate, senators (not Senators) are being asked to stall (which will not gain them any love from Harper).
You may be wondering: how does Saskatchewan and Premier Lorne Calvert (NDP) fit into all of this? Well, as neither an Atlantic province nor a province with any offshore resource revenues (you may remember, Saskatchewan is the completely landlocked rectangle one on your Map of Canada). Well, he says Harper broke a promise to him, his province and the people of the Atlantic provinces over included non-renewable resource revenues in equalization. Flaherty says the new equalization formula is even better for Saskatchewan. Calvert says "Tell it to the mice!"
You may be wondering: well why aren't we being told more about what the budget actually does? Well see, that would be the case if Harper had an effective communication strategy. Evidence right now points to he doesn't. When Williams attacked him, he said "Whatcho talkin' bout, I'm all bouts the Atlantic Accord like I said befo'" Quoth from the Harper quoth in Andrew Coyne's column (that gets through some crap, and avoids car metaphor-mangling):
Why should Newfoundland's possibility of achieving levels of prosperity comparable to the rest of Canada be limited to an artificial eight year period? … Why is the government so eager to ensure that Newfoundland and Labrador always remain below the economic level of Ontario? The Ontario clause is unfair and insulting to the people of Newfoundland and Labrador, and its message to that province, to Nova Scotia and to all of Atlantic Canada is absolutely clear. They can only get what they were promised if they agree to remain have not provinces forever.How will this play out...probably a lot like the Sopranos finale...
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Facebook Stalking hits VERY Close to Home
So, I'm sure that the dedicated reader(s) of this blog (Hi Matt, myself, and our fantastic producer, Sarah!) already know my views on who should get a facebook. Now, an article in today's Globe and Mail is only affirming my views on the people (and aquatic birds) who shouldn't.
Indeed, parents have invaded facebook.
This is not to say that all parents should avoid the 30 million-strong social networking site. If Jon Stewart, father of almost three-year-old Nathan Thomas and adorable baby Maggie Rose, great. And if he wants to friend me, all the better.
But its sadly not fantastic celebrity parents that are jumping onto the parents-on-facebook bandwagon. And their intentions do not involve friending yours truly. Parents are using the site to keep a watchful eye on their reclusive teens and tweens, forcing their children to censor their online selves. A teenager fresh from a weekend kegger can no longer post: "I got so wasted I had a fistfight with a squirrel" on a friend's wall, and has to ask his or her friends not to tag the pictures of the hilarity that surely ensued from drunkenly fighting a bushy-tailed rodent. Think of the inconvenience!
Globe reporter Patrick White reports: "Jenna Bromberg used to trawl Facebook with all the inhibition of a sorority girl at a spring-break kegger. She exchanged bawdy messages with friends. She broadcasted that she “drinks well with others.” She posted boozy party pictures, one showing off her finest beer-bong form."
However, Jenna is not the only one whose trawling days are over. Snooping parents are getting a taste of their own, stalkerish, medicine - they have become stalkees by, you guessed it, their own kids. Those nurturers who lamented privacy settings in the past are suddenly putting their own e-walls up.
One parent, the hilariously cruelly named Ms. van der Spank says on the issue: "What I censor is some pictures that I don't want [my kids] to see, but will e-mail my friends for a good laugh – nothing naughty, just not for their eyes."
The picture that they put on the Globe's article is proof enough that all parents should evacuate their profiles immediately.
Truly terrifying. If my mom ever pops up from behind my wall (or newly added graffiti wall!) I will literally do as a Ms. Bromberg, a boozing Cornell student, threatened to do when she was faced with her mom joining the site: "I almost deactivated my entire account right there."
I've heard of parents living vicariously through their children, but this is just sad (and potentially incriminating).
To conclude, Facebook marry me, Jon.
Indeed, parents have invaded facebook.
This is not to say that all parents should avoid the 30 million-strong social networking site. If Jon Stewart, father of almost three-year-old Nathan Thomas and adorable baby Maggie Rose, great. And if he wants to friend me, all the better.
But its sadly not fantastic celebrity parents that are jumping onto the parents-on-facebook bandwagon. And their intentions do not involve friending yours truly. Parents are using the site to keep a watchful eye on their reclusive teens and tweens, forcing their children to censor their online selves. A teenager fresh from a weekend kegger can no longer post: "I got so wasted I had a fistfight with a squirrel" on a friend's wall, and has to ask his or her friends not to tag the pictures of the hilarity that surely ensued from drunkenly fighting a bushy-tailed rodent. Think of the inconvenience!
Globe reporter Patrick White reports: "Jenna Bromberg used to trawl Facebook with all the inhibition of a sorority girl at a spring-break kegger. She exchanged bawdy messages with friends. She broadcasted that she “drinks well with others.” She posted boozy party pictures, one showing off her finest beer-bong form."
However, Jenna is not the only one whose trawling days are over. Snooping parents are getting a taste of their own, stalkerish, medicine - they have become stalkees by, you guessed it, their own kids. Those nurturers who lamented privacy settings in the past are suddenly putting their own e-walls up.
One parent, the hilariously cruelly named Ms. van der Spank says on the issue: "What I censor is some pictures that I don't want [my kids] to see, but will e-mail my friends for a good laugh – nothing naughty, just not for their eyes."
The picture that they put on the Globe's article is proof enough that all parents should evacuate their profiles immediately.
Truly terrifying. If my mom ever pops up from behind my wall (or newly added graffiti wall!) I will literally do as a Ms. Bromberg, a boozing Cornell student, threatened to do when she was faced with her mom joining the site: "I almost deactivated my entire account right there."
I've heard of parents living vicariously through their children, but this is just sad (and potentially incriminating).
To conclude, Facebook marry me, Jon.
Monday, June 11, 2007
The World According to Us: Hands Off My Flag!
In Los Angeles, a less than angelic security guard at Dodgers Stadium hassled a Canadian waving the Maple Leaf, l'Unifolié. This in a land that has considered constitutional amendments to protect their flag from Timmy Tinder and Aaron Arson. A flag double-standard is clearly being set. We Canadians need to stand up for our flag, just like we regularly do when we celebrate Flag Day (Feb 15), describe it as a 'red rag' (Bernard Landry) or withhold flying it on Provincial buildings as a political protest(Danny Williams). Heh, or when we replace the maple leaf with other foliage.
In response to Bo Derek's international campaign (that involves white shirts, lots of tight white shirts), the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species CITES has banned the trade of sawfish. OK, maybe ti has nothing to do with Bo Derek. But she's aging well isn't she? Goodferher. Um, and don't by seal penises or rhino-horns. They invented Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra for a reason. (If your erection-inducing med isn't included here, it clearly isn't in my Spam folder)
In Hawaii, it's Kamehameha Day. If anyone out there used to watch the old Dragon Ball anime, no relation. But if you want, yell Kamehameha anyone. Instead this time, do it in honour of the King that united the Kingdom of Hawai'i and carried many heavy things according to Wikipedia...and, er, prophesy.
In other news, Stephen Lewis, who literally wrote a book on how the G-8 lacks a moral compass, has declared that the G-8 lacks moral compass (correction: anchor. Though it would make more sense to have a compass to decide how to go forward than an anchor to hold you down, no?). Lewis is the former UN Special Envoy on HIVAIDS in Africa and fundator of the Stephen Lewis Foundation, he also has twenty-seven moral compasses (anchors) on him at all times.
In response to Bo Derek's international campaign (that involves white shirts, lots of tight white shirts), the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species CITES has banned the trade of sawfish. OK, maybe ti has nothing to do with Bo Derek. But she's aging well isn't she? Goodferher. Um, and don't by seal penises or rhino-horns. They invented Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra for a reason. (If your erection-inducing med isn't included here, it clearly isn't in my Spam folder)
In Hawaii, it's Kamehameha Day. If anyone out there used to watch the old Dragon Ball anime, no relation. But if you want, yell Kamehameha anyone. Instead this time, do it in honour of the King that united the Kingdom of Hawai'i and carried many heavy things according to Wikipedia...and, er, prophesy.
In other news, Stephen Lewis, who literally wrote a book on how the G-8 lacks a moral compass, has declared that the G-8 lacks moral compass (correction: anchor. Though it would make more sense to have a compass to decide how to go forward than an anchor to hold you down, no?). Lewis is the former UN Special Envoy on HIVAIDS in Africa and fundator of the Stephen Lewis Foundation, he also has twenty-seven moral compasses (anchors) on him at all times.
Two Very Different Allies
If you've found this blog by any means other than mashing your keyboard with your paws, you've certainly heard the term War on Terror on a more than regular basis. Now this may remind you of the time you're dad stayed with you all night to make sure the boogeyman didn't come out from under the bed. Unfortunately, he didn't have flashy graphics or Wolf Blitzer for The Vigil Against Bed-Wettery. Of course, the principle protagonist in the War on Terror is the United States, but it has also assembled a team of allies. Numbered in this team is Canada, of course, but also some smaller states that may not be on our radar on a regular basis. Two of these countries are the Netherlands (is the the like the the in the Ukraine?) and Albania.
I mention Canada so singularly because, of course, MALIM: BAAN is based in Canada. Also, Canada is hosting Ally #1's Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende. A brief history of Canada's relationship with the Dutch. The Netherlands, as you may or may not know, is located precariously close to Germany - it was certainly the case in World War II. As was also the case with Holland, Canada had a significant role in the liberation of Netherlands from Nazi occupation. In return, we got a tulip festival, a lot of 65 year-old Dutch-Canadians, and a pretty friendly relationship. The Dutch are currently fighting alongside Canada's forces in Afghanistan and this is supposed to be a central topic of discussion when PMs collide this week.
Ally # 2, Albania and the United States were friendly after Albania became independent from Ottoman rule in 1928 under King Zog. This was mostly because of the awesome-ness of King Zog's name (no relation). However, years of Communist rule would silence their friendship as Albania was under the Soviet sphere of influence. The relationship was uneasy, Albania was the only country that maintained diplomatic relations with China after the Sino-Soviet split (thank you Margaret Macmillan's Nixon in China). After the fall of Soviet communism, Albania quickly embraced democracy and America, very tightly. The transition continues to be rough as Albanians flee the poor economic conditions of their homeland to work in more prosperous Europe. Albania is the only Muslim country with troops in Iraq (well, that has them disclosed and fighting alongside American troops), this all explains (for the curious) GWB's warm reception in Tirana. So, the US helps Albania throw of the Soviet yoke: in return Albania has allegedly become host to those sketchy no-rights zone prisons you hear about in the news sometimes, and (this is for helping China out in the '70s too) Albania is stuck with ex-Gitmo prisoners exiled from their (predominantly Muslim) home province in China.
I'll go with the tulips, thanks.
UPDATE**Tie Domi is Albanian-Canadian. Betcha didn't know that.
I mention Canada so singularly because, of course, MALIM: BAAN is based in Canada. Also, Canada is hosting Ally #1's Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende. A brief history of Canada's relationship with the Dutch. The Netherlands, as you may or may not know, is located precariously close to Germany - it was certainly the case in World War II. As was also the case with Holland, Canada had a significant role in the liberation of Netherlands from Nazi occupation. In return, we got a tulip festival, a lot of 65 year-old Dutch-Canadians, and a pretty friendly relationship. The Dutch are currently fighting alongside Canada's forces in Afghanistan and this is supposed to be a central topic of discussion when PMs collide this week.
Ally # 2, Albania and the United States were friendly after Albania became independent from Ottoman rule in 1928 under King Zog. This was mostly because of the awesome-ness of King Zog's name (no relation). However, years of Communist rule would silence their friendship as Albania was under the Soviet sphere of influence. The relationship was uneasy, Albania was the only country that maintained diplomatic relations with China after the Sino-Soviet split (thank you Margaret Macmillan's Nixon in China). After the fall of Soviet communism, Albania quickly embraced democracy and America, very tightly. The transition continues to be rough as Albanians flee the poor economic conditions of their homeland to work in more prosperous Europe. Albania is the only Muslim country with troops in Iraq (well, that has them disclosed and fighting alongside American troops), this all explains (for the curious) GWB's warm reception in Tirana. So, the US helps Albania throw of the Soviet yoke: in return Albania has allegedly become host to those sketchy no-rights zone prisons you hear about in the news sometimes, and (this is for helping China out in the '70s too) Albania is stuck with ex-Gitmo prisoners exiled from their (predominantly Muslim) home province in China.
I'll go with the tulips, thanks.
UPDATE**Tie Domi is Albanian-Canadian. Betcha didn't know that.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
"When at first you don't succeed: re-brand!" says Iran
Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega is in Iran today, reciprocating an earlier Latin American tour taken by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The two have vowed to stay together in hopes of creating a new world order to counter 'Yanqui imperialismo'.
In hopes of escaping the PR nightmare that was David Frum's 'Axis of Evil' coinage - an alliance purportedly linking Tehran, Pyongyang and Baghdad - Nuclear-Mahmoud is calling his new partnership with Latin American leaders the 'Alliance for Justice'. Latin American leaders included in the last-minute Photoshop job featured on BBCWorld include Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro and, of course, senors Ortega and Ahmadinejad.
How can you spin an unspinnable name like 'Alliance for Justice'? Clearly, Mahmoud has been watching old multilateral organization branding fall apart. 'Axis of Evil' just doesn't sell at home, 'Non-Aligned' sounds to middling, and the Coalition of the Willing has never been to his liking. He wanted a name with principles. He's even hearkening back to that old group of nations, the Allies, that got together that was fighting one of the single most despicable totalitarian leaders in European history. Oh, but that's an entirely unconfirmed history as far as Mahmoud is concerned.
Maybe he was thinking of the Justice League? The kids love Justice League.
Let the rebranding begin!
In hopes of escaping the PR nightmare that was David Frum's 'Axis of Evil' coinage - an alliance purportedly linking Tehran, Pyongyang and Baghdad - Nuclear-Mahmoud is calling his new partnership with Latin American leaders the 'Alliance for Justice'. Latin American leaders included in the last-minute Photoshop job featured on BBCWorld include Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro and, of course, senors Ortega and Ahmadinejad.
How can you spin an unspinnable name like 'Alliance for Justice'? Clearly, Mahmoud has been watching old multilateral organization branding fall apart. 'Axis of Evil' just doesn't sell at home, 'Non-Aligned' sounds to middling, and the Coalition of the Willing has never been to his liking. He wanted a name with principles. He's even hearkening back to that old group of nations, the Allies, that got together that was fighting one of the single most despicable totalitarian leaders in European history. Oh, but that's an entirely unconfirmed history as far as Mahmoud is concerned.
Maybe he was thinking of the Justice League? The kids love Justice League.
Let the rebranding begin!
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Bush in Rome
US President George W. Bush is in Rome today, after the G-8 Summit wrapping up in Germany he is embarking on a European tour. In Italy, he has met with the Pope, Benny - he likes to call him Benny, and Italian PM Romano Prodi. According to the GAM:
Nonetheless, the Leaders of the Catholic and Free Worlds (which you can imagine as a Venn diagram if it helps) got down to important business. Namely: AIDS in Africa and peace in the Middle East. If there is anything that can solve those two of the worlds problems, its two white guys talking about it in Rome. Apparently, the recent kefuffle with Vladimir Putin also came up. To which the Pope said "Stick it to the Red bastard." Also, because Europe is into that, there were riots.
And no, President Bush didn't get lost during Rome's Pride Month celebrations...those two gentlemen are part of the Pope's elite Swiss Guard. You have to be pretty elite to pull that outfit of. I wonder where they were last week...
The highlight of Mr. Bush's day was his first-ever meeting with Pop Benedict, a fellow religious conservative, in the Vatican.Despite the unreported typo (there are two! spot the second one) that makes the Benny sound like an Archie Comics character, this wins some kind of prize for the no-shit category. The GAM went on to report that Benny's Catholic, the Ayatollah is Muslim and Tom Cruise is an adherent of the Church of Scientology. Wonders never cease. Though putting Bush and the Pope's religious conservatism on the same level is...a little weird. I guess it comes with a cultivated image.
Nonetheless, the Leaders of the Catholic and Free Worlds (which you can imagine as a Venn diagram if it helps) got down to important business. Namely: AIDS in Africa and peace in the Middle East. If there is anything that can solve those two of the worlds problems, its two white guys talking about it in Rome. Apparently, the recent kefuffle with Vladimir Putin also came up. To which the Pope said "Stick it to the Red bastard." Also, because Europe is into that, there were riots.
And no, President Bush didn't get lost during Rome's Pride Month celebrations...those two gentlemen are part of the Pope's elite Swiss Guard. You have to be pretty elite to pull that outfit of. I wonder where they were last week...
G-8 Protests: Highlights
Ever since the Battle of Seattle and the Genoa G-8 Summits, the press and the protesters have been flocking to the outskirts of every G-8 host city. The noise gets louder the crowds get bigger, and papiermaché and pantomime is more elaborate. Over the course of it all, some world leaders meet. A communiqué that has been long ago negotiated is finally released - containing words that will offend no one and simultaneously please fewer. So why do the protesters keep coming? I couldn't be bothered to fly to Heilling--Germany, so rather than vaguely trying to probe the profundities that have propelled these picketers I offer The Best of G-8 'o7.
As I've mentioned numerous times, the papiermaché heads. I love 'em. If you haven't seen them here they are playing poker:
...and playing doctor. Both times with a stand-in for Africa.
Here are some folks who got some eats from Burger King, Rostock...
...those are the weirdest kid's meal toys I have ever seen. I'm not sure what's going on here, but the corn-on-the-cob-dentata is scary...
This year's the first time I've seen some geniune G-8 supporters showing up to rouse some rabble. I mean you can't dress like that unless you feel great about anything and everything going on in the world.
Of course, some folks weren't so amused.
..hey, Tony! That's a bit of an overreaction.
As I've mentioned numerous times, the papiermaché heads. I love 'em. If you haven't seen them here they are playing poker:
...and playing doctor. Both times with a stand-in for Africa.Here are some folks who got some eats from Burger King, Rostock...
...those are the weirdest kid's meal toys I have ever seen. I'm not sure what's going on here, but the corn-on-the-cob-dentata is scary...
This year's the first time I've seen some geniune G-8 supporters showing up to rouse some rabble. I mean you can't dress like that unless you feel great about anything and everything going on in the world.Of course, some folks weren't so amused...hey, Tony! That's a bit of an overreaction.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Popemobile needs more security, goes hybrid
Today someone attacked the Pope. Previous to this, I mean moments previous, I read in the venerable Toronto Star that Benny XVI is installing solar panels for his papal crib. This eliminates the usual suspects - God-hating environmentalists.
I think with all the G-8 protests going on lately, young people are confused. Seeing any Head of State, even if it is the Seeing the Head of the Holy See, is an exciting moment to tell the world what you believe. Not just with words but actions! A noble goal for youths in any democracy. This youth seems to have forgotten that the Catholic Church is not a democracy and hasn't been for 2000 years.
It's startling, again, that the Vatican is moving faster on the climate file than the aforementioned G-8. The only way that guy was able to get to him was because JP2's Plexiglas Protecto-DomeTM (that's John-Paul II not Jurassic Park) was removed to cut back on air conditioning. Oh, those Europeans.
I think with all the G-8 protests going on lately, young people are confused. Seeing any Head of State, even if it is the Seeing the Head of the Holy See, is an exciting moment to tell the world what you believe. Not just with words but actions! A noble goal for youths in any democracy. This youth seems to have forgotten that the Catholic Church is not a democracy and hasn't been for 2000 years.
It's startling, again, that the Vatican is moving faster on the climate file than the aforementioned G-8. The only way that guy was able to get to him was because JP2's Plexiglas Protecto-DomeTM (that's John-Paul II not Jurassic Park) was removed to cut back on air conditioning. Oh, those Europeans.
Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly)
[Sea to Sea to Sea (Nearly) is our look at the country most commonly known as "Canada" without so much as making a passing-glance at the affairs of the federal government, federal-province relations or any the like. It aims to go, from sea to sea to sea...or as close as possible on any a regular basis.]
Well it looks like it only took one more week for this, our the country is local close-up to actually make it from sea to sea to sea. Needless to say, it seems that one affliction seems to have stricken the land: gambling. From Beautiful BC all the way to the Yukon (that's the Arctic Ocean sunzabidges) and across this land to the Atlantic, Lotto companies are being met with charges of corruption. It seems like the hopes and prayers of many blue-haired church ladies (who just love the rush of imagining that cool 32 mill, and pimpin' their walkers) and the office pool (ready to turn on each others knives a-brandished) are being cheated. Rumours abound that a suspicious number of Lotto retailers have got been laying claim to the booty. In BC this led to the head of the BC Lottery Corp being fired. Atlantic Lotto, which administers lottery services in four provinces is going under review. In Yukon, Western Lotteries Corp promises nothing is amiss. Never have so many ill-gotten riches been so ill-gotten (you all know gambling's a sin). Who can you have faith in if not the Lottery and Gaming Commissions? Faith in that little ticket paying off? What about Atlantic Lotto's new online bingo?
You'd hardly think Alberta was facing a labour shortage with the way babies keep showing up all over the place. Nonetheless, the oil boom out West seems to be met with a baby boom, except what's happening to those babies is another matter. A baby was recently found on a doorstop Medicine Hat, just weeks after the Wal-Mart baby of Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. You know whose good at dealing with surplus babies? Brangelina...remember when they were shooting a movie in Calgary...
In PEI, Liberal Premier-designate has demonstrated that all Libs are alike, mere weeks after his election is facing a patronage scandal. Robert Ghiz, I told you I'd be watching you. Who do you think you are? Not ending the contracs made by the Progressive Conservatives in the past eleven years that have smacked of patronage and massively reappointing those contracts to Liberal friends... Honouring contracts in good-faith. You may be the next in a well-heeled political dynasty, Mr Ghiz but you know nothing about how politics work. Instead you hide behind the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. For shame. The next curiosity is how will he make that damn bridge bring in the Bordens, ten years later...
Speaking of bloated political dynasties, Gary Doer's Manitoba NDP has touched some yow-hot water. It looks like the riding of Wellington had a nomination SCANDAL-LE. Manitoba likes it political drama high-octane so you'll have to bear with me. Point form is the most dramatic:
-Wellington is an inner-city riding in Winnipeg, and traditional NDP stronghold. However, it was exposed due to accusations that previous candidate hadn't payed his dues. Years of service, and the man hasn't payed his dues!
-Joe Chan decides to up-and-run for the nomination, but it turns out he's up-and-running from a criminal past. Kind of like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive but without the chases, Tommy Lee Jones, and he's just not disclosing information as opposed to running from the police.
-Both run in the riding as independents (! , I know...), causing fears that a three-way split with the actual NDP candidate would split the vote and give rise to another party.
-At the last minute an inflammatory pamphlet (! , again) about Chan was sent around. Manitoba: The last time I heard about an inflammatory pamphlet was...Martin Luther's 95 Theses in 1517.
-The NDP candidate won more than half the popular vote. I must admit it seems "Manitoba: Just Do'er" is GOLD west of Kenora.
Well it looks like it only took one more week for this, our the country is local close-up to actually make it from sea to sea to sea. Needless to say, it seems that one affliction seems to have stricken the land: gambling. From Beautiful BC all the way to the Yukon (that's the Arctic Ocean sunzabidges) and across this land to the Atlantic, Lotto companies are being met with charges of corruption. It seems like the hopes and prayers of many blue-haired church ladies (who just love the rush of imagining that cool 32 mill, and pimpin' their walkers) and the office pool (ready to turn on each others knives a-brandished) are being cheated. Rumours abound that a suspicious number of Lotto retailers have got been laying claim to the booty. In BC this led to the head of the BC Lottery Corp being fired. Atlantic Lotto, which administers lottery services in four provinces is going under review. In Yukon, Western Lotteries Corp promises nothing is amiss. Never have so many ill-gotten riches been so ill-gotten (you all know gambling's a sin). Who can you have faith in if not the Lottery and Gaming Commissions? Faith in that little ticket paying off? What about Atlantic Lotto's new online bingo?
You'd hardly think Alberta was facing a labour shortage with the way babies keep showing up all over the place. Nonetheless, the oil boom out West seems to be met with a baby boom, except what's happening to those babies is another matter. A baby was recently found on a doorstop Medicine Hat, just weeks after the Wal-Mart baby of Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. You know whose good at dealing with surplus babies? Brangelina...remember when they were shooting a movie in Calgary...
In PEI, Liberal Premier-designate has demonstrated that all Libs are alike, mere weeks after his election is facing a patronage scandal. Robert Ghiz, I told you I'd be watching you. Who do you think you are? Not ending the contracs made by the Progressive Conservatives in the past eleven years that have smacked of patronage and massively reappointing those contracts to Liberal friends... Honouring contracts in good-faith. You may be the next in a well-heeled political dynasty, Mr Ghiz but you know nothing about how politics work. Instead you hide behind the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. For shame. The next curiosity is how will he make that damn bridge bring in the Bordens, ten years later...
Speaking of bloated political dynasties, Gary Doer's Manitoba NDP has touched some yow-hot water. It looks like the riding of Wellington had a nomination SCANDAL-LE. Manitoba likes it political drama high-octane so you'll have to bear with me. Point form is the most dramatic:
-Wellington is an inner-city riding in Winnipeg, and traditional NDP stronghold. However, it was exposed due to accusations that previous candidate hadn't payed his dues. Years of service, and the man hasn't payed his dues!
-Joe Chan decides to up-and-run for the nomination, but it turns out he's up-and-running from a criminal past. Kind of like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive but without the chases, Tommy Lee Jones, and he's just not disclosing information as opposed to running from the police.
-Both run in the riding as independents (! , I know...), causing fears that a three-way split with the actual NDP candidate would split the vote and give rise to another party.
-At the last minute an inflammatory pamphlet (! , again) about Chan was sent around. Manitoba: The last time I heard about an inflammatory pamphlet was...Martin Luther's 95 Theses in 1517.
-The NDP candidate won more than half the popular vote. I must admit it seems "Manitoba: Just Do'er" is GOLD west of Kenora.
Monday, June 4, 2007
NHOP
Lauren, I don't know how we did it...but we did. All that, without needing to stop by the National House Of Prayer. Or the International House Of Prayer. We beat the odds.
To the reader you may wonder why we would twice mention post thresholds (40 and now 50). The fact of the matter when we hit 40 we didn't think we'd make it to the next ten, the big five-O. We live on the edge of our seats here at MALIM: BAAN, and the emotionally raw, volatile relationship Lauren and I have leaves us at constant risk of total meltdown.
We hope you're enjoying us so far.
xoxo
-Matt
To the reader you may wonder why we would twice mention post thresholds (40 and now 50). The fact of the matter when we hit 40 we didn't think we'd make it to the next ten, the big five-O. We live on the edge of our seats here at MALIM: BAAN, and the emotionally raw, volatile relationship Lauren and I have leaves us at constant risk of total meltdown.
We hope you're enjoying us so far.
xoxo
-Matt
Le Monde à Notre Avis/The World According to Us
Vladimir Putin declares: "I'm an absolute democrat", absolutely. Coming under criticisms for recent autocratic actions (i.e. silencing critics with his trademark witty mists of radioactive material). As an absolute democrat, Putin has decided that, in retaliation for the US setting up anti-missile bases on neighbouring (however, hardly neighbourly) Poland and Czech Republic, he will aim Russian missiles at European capitals. For one meeelion dollars. Unfortunately the only person Putin seems to be willing to have talk him out of him is the man who he describes as the only person as committed to democracy as him: Gandhi. Gandhi. Mahatma.
In other news, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty, after his brief foray into the international affairs with Ahnold, has decided to snub the Pope. It looks like all that Harry Potter he's been reading has finally gotten to him. Just because Dumbledore dies doesn't mean you need to give up on the One True Faith. Sure, the Terminator wants to talk the environment Dalton's floppy ears are all a-wiggle, when His Holiness is game "I have other responsibilities". (Don't tell Benny, but I think what he means is Don't call me, I'll call you.)
Meanwhile, in Germany...the G-8 Summit is about to get under way. It promises to be awkward at least for Georgie and Vlad. It's nice that Tony will be showing up, now that he's basically declared himself politically irrelevant by resigning. Harper is going to try sporting his green tie for the conference. The G-8 most remarkable aspect is definitely the whole protesting aspect. Those altermondialistes love painstakingly making papiermaché world leader heads.
In other news, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty, after his brief foray into the international affairs with Ahnold, has decided to snub the Pope. It looks like all that Harry Potter he's been reading has finally gotten to him. Just because Dumbledore dies doesn't mean you need to give up on the One True Faith. Sure, the Terminator wants to talk the environment Dalton's floppy ears are all a-wiggle, when His Holiness is game "I have other responsibilities". (Don't tell Benny, but I think what he means is Don't call me, I'll call you.)
Meanwhile, in Germany...the G-8 Summit is about to get under way. It promises to be awkward at least for Georgie and Vlad. It's nice that Tony will be showing up, now that he's basically declared himself politically irrelevant by resigning. Harper is going to try sporting his green tie for the conference. The G-8 most remarkable aspect is definitely the whole protesting aspect. Those altermondialistes love painstakingly making papiermaché world leader heads.
I Hope I've Remembered My Long (Term) Division...
Today's Top Stories on foxnews.com cry of impending doom for the United States. Just read for yourself!
Feds Hoped to Snag Bin Laden Expert in JFK Plot
U.S. Violent Crime Spiking
Cops: Ex-Council Temp High on Crack in Fair
Father-in-Law to Be Investigated in TB Case
Parents of Quarantined TB Patient 'In Hell'
Marine Who Wore Uniform at Anti-War Rally Has...
Fla. Woman Dragged to Death by Fleeing Minivan
For your convenience, readers, I have taken the liberty of skimming all of these (as I refuse to outright read FOX news) and have highlighted the positive ones in green, leaving the negative stories in red.
With the impending collapse of the United States clearly rearing its ugly head, I think the focus of the G8 summit, which conveniently starts on Wednesday, should not be the Environment or ending Global Poverty, but something important. That's right readers, our G8 leaders should be discussing how to effectively partition the defeated United States in the (increasingly) near future. Lucky for them, I've drafted a rough outline for them to reference when they proceed through these difficult talks.
First off, the G8 leaders aren't going to let the United States, their former superally, go completely hungry. Any states that are represented in green still belong to the United States, but will be occupied by a G8 coalition force. (The U.S. won't mind. Iraq certainly doesn't.) And, the best part is, they're still United! Well, except Vermont.
Next, Canada, which doesn't really need any extra land to manage, will become the proud owners of Alaska, which is pretty much ours anyways, Michigan, so that it officially contains all the Great Lakes, Maine, so that Newfoundland can take back more of what's rightfully theirs, and Philadelphia, because I want Sidney Crosbie back and this is the only way I can think of getting him.
Russia - which, like the U.S., has also suffered a loss of superpower status, and, like Canada, also doesn't need any extra land - gets Washington D.C. and a chance to play "oval office." And, to be fair, they get Washington State too.
France, which is likely to want nothing to do with the United States, gets Napa Valley, in California, to control a little bit more of the wine market. They get Louisiana, so that they can berate their Creole accents, Nevada, so they can tear down the lurid Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas, and New York State, because the snobs in New York city might just fit in.
Though everyone is still a little wary of Germany, they certainly aren't going to leave empty handed. Therefore, to Germany goes the twins, North and South Dakota. North Dakota features the city of Bismarck, a tribute to Germany's first Chancellor. And South Dakota could certainly use some of that German engineering after the destruction done to one of America's most beloved landmarks.
German icons (from right): philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, Otto von Bismarck, Ludwig von Beethoven, and Claudia Schiffer.
Italy, to deal with its aging population, gets the prime retiring state of Florida. Oh, and Sicily gets New Jersey, because the Sopranos is getting cancelled and I need that mafia drama.
The Japanese, like Russia, are getting a chance to feel better about being snubbed by the States in the past. To them goes Pearl Harbour, along with the rest of Hawai'i, and Oregon, where they can tear down the emotional remnants of interment camps and make dozens of kareoke bars, Hello Kitty factories, and whale-hunting boats... er, whale-research boats.
To the United Kingdom goes California (minus Napa Valley, which, if you're following, went to France), as it's time that they get the credit they deserve for their superb television (telly?) programs and mediocre film.
The Cockneys will probably get to the Hollywood sign before it's too late. Also, to Britain goes Texas. This is more of a social experiment on my part - I want to see if the Brits can get Texans to cart billyclubs instead of shotguns.
And while China isn't currently in the G8, it's only a manner of time. To them goes all unclaimed eastern coastal states, to secure the border. This may seem unfair, but they probably already own the ports anyhow.
There's no need to thank me, World Leaders. It's all in a day's work.
Also, I would like to humbly announce that Matt and I are officially over the hill. Huzzah 50!
Feds Hoped to Snag Bin Laden Expert in JFK Plot
U.S. Violent Crime Spiking
Cops: Ex-Council Temp High on Crack in Fair
Father-in-Law to Be Investigated in TB Case
Parents of Quarantined TB Patient 'In Hell'
Marine Who Wore Uniform at Anti-War Rally Has...
Fla. Woman Dragged to Death by Fleeing Minivan
For your convenience, readers, I have taken the liberty of skimming all of these (as I refuse to outright read FOX news) and have highlighted the positive ones in green, leaving the negative stories in red.
With the impending collapse of the United States clearly rearing its ugly head, I think the focus of the G8 summit, which conveniently starts on Wednesday, should not be the Environment or ending Global Poverty, but something important. That's right readers, our G8 leaders should be discussing how to effectively partition the defeated United States in the (increasingly) near future. Lucky for them, I've drafted a rough outline for them to reference when they proceed through these difficult talks.
First off, the G8 leaders aren't going to let the United States, their former superally, go completely hungry. Any states that are represented in green still belong to the United States, but will be occupied by a G8 coalition force. (The U.S. won't mind. Iraq certainly doesn't.) And, the best part is, they're still United! Well, except Vermont.
Next, Canada, which doesn't really need any extra land to manage, will become the proud owners of Alaska, which is pretty much ours anyways, Michigan, so that it officially contains all the Great Lakes, Maine, so that Newfoundland can take back more of what's rightfully theirs, and Philadelphia, because I want Sidney Crosbie back and this is the only way I can think of getting him.
Russia - which, like the U.S., has also suffered a loss of superpower status, and, like Canada, also doesn't need any extra land - gets Washington D.C. and a chance to play "oval office." And, to be fair, they get Washington State too.
France, which is likely to want nothing to do with the United States, gets Napa Valley, in California, to control a little bit more of the wine market. They get Louisiana, so that they can berate their Creole accents, Nevada, so they can tear down the lurid Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas, and New York State, because the snobs in New York city might just fit in.
Though everyone is still a little wary of Germany, they certainly aren't going to leave empty handed. Therefore, to Germany goes the twins, North and South Dakota. North Dakota features the city of Bismarck, a tribute to Germany's first Chancellor. And South Dakota could certainly use some of that German engineering after the destruction done to one of America's most beloved landmarks.
German icons (from right): philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, Otto von Bismarck, Ludwig von Beethoven, and Claudia Schiffer.
Italy, to deal with its aging population, gets the prime retiring state of Florida. Oh, and Sicily gets New Jersey, because the Sopranos is getting cancelled and I need that mafia drama.
The Japanese, like Russia, are getting a chance to feel better about being snubbed by the States in the past. To them goes Pearl Harbour, along with the rest of Hawai'i, and Oregon, where they can tear down the emotional remnants of interment camps and make dozens of kareoke bars, Hello Kitty factories, and whale-hunting boats... er, whale-research boats.
To the United Kingdom goes California (minus Napa Valley, which, if you're following, went to France), as it's time that they get the credit they deserve for their superb television (telly?) programs and mediocre film.
The Cockneys will probably get to the Hollywood sign before it's too late. Also, to Britain goes Texas. This is more of a social experiment on my part - I want to see if the Brits can get Texans to cart billyclubs instead of shotguns.
And while China isn't currently in the G8, it's only a manner of time. To them goes all unclaimed eastern coastal states, to secure the border. This may seem unfair, but they probably already own the ports anyhow.
There's no need to thank me, World Leaders. It's all in a day's work.
Also, I would like to humbly announce that Matt and I are officially over the hill. Huzzah 50!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
*Sigh* Terry Mosher...
..hits the nail on the head. Even hardened Leafs die hards like Lauren can get a laugh out of this one.
The Sens trail the series 2-1 and won tonight's game 5-3.
The Sens trail the series 2-1 and won tonight's game 5-3.
Friday, June 1, 2007
THE INTERNET WAR: Google Says
[We've all heard about the threats the vast series of tubes called The Internet faces on a daily basis. For the most part we don't understand them. After all, isn't 'Neutrality' reserved for those Swiss pansies? In the tradition of Marshall McLuhan and the "X-Files", this semi-irregular segment probes threats to the internet. More importantly we will underline how unstoppable The Internet is in...THE INTERNET WAR!]
Everyone knows and loves Google, All-Powerful Overseer of The Vastly Superior Communications Technology that is The Internet. If you don't love Google, I'm not speaking to you (because you're probably not reading this in some kind of protest of Blogger, a Google-owned service). However, if you don't know/love Google (with all your heart) you are clearly in the minority. According to Nielsen/Net Rating, Google dominates 55% of all internet searches. Not only that but it has relentless pursued the valiant goal of being the Vanguard of the Glorious Netscape Revolution of 1995. The aforementioned Blogger! Pwned by Google! YouTube? Google!
Alas, being such a noble Revolutionary Vanguard will rile the Reactionaries. Don't be fooled! For those Luddites are not the only obstacle that tries to tie the tubes of The Vastly Superior Communications Technology that is The Internet! Amongst those who claim to be part of the Revolution are the Revisionists, the Trotskytes of the Glorious Netscape Revolution of 1995. Behold! Ask.com, trying to *gasp* impinge upon Google's 55% domination of Free Internet Searches. Here is one of their calls to arms for you to print out and burn:
What is this?! Revisionism, we spit on you! I want to be able to navigate the whole internet without changing colour schemes! I want to only need one password! The day will come when Do No Evil will not just be a corporate axiom, but the creed that unites us all! What has Ask.com done for the Revolution lately? Postured, yes. But also advance a campaign entirely through traditional media - posters! That is not Web 2.0! That is not even Web 1.0! Now, savvy revolutionary, you may say. Do they have a choice? Can they effectively "go viral" when their rival effectively OWNS the traditional avenues of viral campaigns? (Viral campaigns are the Five Year Plans of the Glorious Netscape Revolution of 1995) If they were part of the Solution (which would, of course, be Revolution) rather than part of the Problem, they would already by VIRAL.
OK, but other than gobble up the properties that innovate The Vastly Superior Communications Technology that is the Internet, what has Google done lately as Revolutionary Vanguard? Well, they have decided they "like The Internet the way it is" AND THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. However, they want to make it work...without the Tubes (and/or in the event of losing the Tubes). Then how is it The Internet if you are not instantaneously connected? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? NAY. One more time: NAY. This is the first step to make the real world the Internet. This is the beginning of Googliality. And it is the next step in The Revolution! Take that, Ask.com. Because, Google's gonna be laughing all the way to the GBank, counting its GDollars and partying with its GString clad GHookers and GBlow.*
Crush the Revisionists! Long Live The Revolution! One! Nine! Nine! Five!
*Google does not endorse either of these products or product concepts, but likely retains the trademark anyway. Suckas.
Everyone knows and loves Google, All-Powerful Overseer of The Vastly Superior Communications Technology that is The Internet. If you don't love Google, I'm not speaking to you (because you're probably not reading this in some kind of protest of Blogger, a Google-owned service). However, if you don't know/love Google (with all your heart) you are clearly in the minority. According to Nielsen/Net Rating, Google dominates 55% of all internet searches. Not only that but it has relentless pursued the valiant goal of being the Vanguard of the Glorious Netscape Revolution of 1995. The aforementioned Blogger! Pwned by Google! YouTube? Google!
Alas, being such a noble Revolutionary Vanguard will rile the Reactionaries. Don't be fooled! For those Luddites are not the only obstacle that tries to tie the tubes of The Vastly Superior Communications Technology that is The Internet! Amongst those who claim to be part of the Revolution are the Revisionists, the Trotskytes of the Glorious Netscape Revolution of 1995. Behold! Ask.com, trying to *gasp* impinge upon Google's 55% domination of Free Internet Searches. Here is one of their calls to arms for you to print out and burn:
What is this?! Revisionism, we spit on you! I want to be able to navigate the whole internet without changing colour schemes! I want to only need one password! The day will come when Do No Evil will not just be a corporate axiom, but the creed that unites us all! What has Ask.com done for the Revolution lately? Postured, yes. But also advance a campaign entirely through traditional media - posters! That is not Web 2.0! That is not even Web 1.0! Now, savvy revolutionary, you may say. Do they have a choice? Can they effectively "go viral" when their rival effectively OWNS the traditional avenues of viral campaigns? (Viral campaigns are the Five Year Plans of the Glorious Netscape Revolution of 1995) If they were part of the Solution (which would, of course, be Revolution) rather than part of the Problem, they would already by VIRAL.OK, but other than gobble up the properties that innovate The Vastly Superior Communications Technology that is the Internet, what has Google done lately as Revolutionary Vanguard? Well, they have decided they "like The Internet the way it is" AND THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. However, they want to make it work...without the Tubes (and/or in the event of losing the Tubes). Then how is it The Internet if you are not instantaneously connected? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? NAY. One more time: NAY. This is the first step to make the real world the Internet. This is the beginning of Googliality. And it is the next step in The Revolution! Take that, Ask.com. Because, Google's gonna be laughing all the way to the GBank, counting its GDollars and partying with its GString clad GHookers and GBlow.*
Crush the Revisionists! Long Live The Revolution! One! Nine! Nine! Five!
*Google does not endorse either of these products or product concepts, but likely retains the trademark anyway. Suckas.
OMG N.W.T. TB! WTF?
Admittedly, this first caught my attention because I thought it had something to do with the first TB-guy. You know the one who was said "It's only a cough, I'll be fine once I travel across the ocean and pass as many national borders as possible." It turns out, an entirely different TB scare is going on in the North West Territories, says the Ceeb. Like all good stories, as Lauren so often says, it started with a homeless man. It has now lead to hundreds being tested for tuberculosis across the En-dublya-tee.
Moving from the homeless to English majors (which may not be much of a stretch, zing): the outbreak of mumps that started in Nova Scotia's universities is continuing to spread. Cases in Nova Scotia are reported at 326 by the Ceep, however a 'Joel Plaskett' state of 'Emergency' has not yet been declared. Be wary of anyone who's 'McLachlan' up 'Bubbles' all over the place this could get out of hand. Luckily, vaccinations will be available soon starting at only a 'Buck-65' per shot. Anne Murray.
Apologies to all those willing to accept them for the excess of spelling out acronyms and the horrendous East Coast music scene puns. Credit is due for not making a joke about how the sick would be driven into the "Great Big Sea". OK, fine. There from Newfoundland and Labrador anyway.
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