"Cross Your Fingers" Now Slang for "Empty the Accounts and Head for the Border"

This is it, readers. Lord Conrad Black's fate rests in the combined 24 hands of twelve, mostly female jurors.

After a slanderous lifetime of Prosecutor Eric Sussman's final statements to the jury, the Globe reported that, besides being sexy, "Lord Black... sat stone-faced... as Mr. Sussman spoke . He seemed weary, looking up at the ceiling and sighing as he and his co-defendants were once again called liars by the prosecution."

I have nothing to worry about, and I'll tell you why.

a) Sussman ended his closing remarks by showing the Jury a 2002 email written by Black, which read, "Two years from now no one will remember any of this." And Lord Black was totally right. This investigation bullshit didn't really heat up until 2005. So there, Sussman. Your email is a moot point.

and

b) The jury is MOSTLY FEMALE. Other than the offchance of all of those women being lesbians, there is no way that they will be able to resist the cool, collected charms/wiles/money of Lord Conrad Black. He's the George Clooney of the corporate world, minus the compromising 1980's mullet photos. And because the decision has to be unanimous, it looks like Conrad's going to walk.

...

Conrad, if they convict you you can stay in my basement.