It Appears that the Tables have Turned...

Alas, all of my campaigning for dog plastic-bag rights was for naught. My furry ex-friends have turned on me, and taken the one thing I've been training to do for years, something that would propel me into the good kind of infamy...

... famy.

Indeed, dogs have learned to smell cancer. The Vancouver Sun reported yesterday that Freeman, a rare leopard dog, sniffed at his owner's right breast until it, in the words of owner Darcy Ingram, "swelled up like a cantaloupe."

Freeman is proving what captial "S" Scientists published in the March 2006 issue of Integrative Cancer Therapies: That dogs can smell cancer on the breath of breast cancer and lung cancer patients.

While I have to applaud the canine ability to sniff out breast cancer, I can smell lung cancer from a mile away. It's called a Marlboro, pooch, get with it.

Even still, it looks like the dogs are one-upping me on this one. They can smell bladder cancer in urine, and skin cancer in "skin lesions" (I put this in quotes because I have no fucking idea what skin lesions are, and I doubt very much that the dogs do, either).

What really worries me is the disturbing series of events before and after Ingram's successful treatment. She reported, that, prior to her knowing about the some 12 centimetres of tumours brewing in her breast, Freeman "wouldn't leave that breast alone."

And, more recently, she had said, "Freeman can do whatever he wants." Um, I think it's obvious what Freeman wants to do.

Be a total dog-perv, that's what.