Go, Parliamentary Bickering, Go!

Opposition parties are demanding the Conservatives release their 'Playbook of Parliamentary Hiijinks: Not for Opposition MPs Naanananaana'. The 'Playbook' is a breezy 200 pages and was first reported on in the National Post. While preparing a sweet spitball, Government House Leader Peter Van Loan insisted that his party wants "to work together with all parties in the House". Then he shot the spitball and Liberal Baird-doppleganger Mark Holland.

Admittedly, the last few months of government have seen an escalation in bickering (enough to leave old Mike Duffy flabbergasted). Personal insults about mental proficiency, though not new to the House, have become increasingly common. Such insults included a dangerous game of "Prescribe Psychiatric Medication with no Qualifications" by one Conservative MP. This is, of course, the reason CPAC was invented, people.

The Conservatives have instead chosen to focus on issues of clear moral salience, like foreign strippers. Now, if I may, I suggest that being able to get strippers from every corner of the land is part of what makes this land so great. A veritable booty-mosaic, if you will. Harper is going up against the unstoppable market forces of free trade. Canadians demand booty, and strippers who supply it in surplus at home come to Canada to meet demand. Now strippers from Club Super-Sex in Montreal will be forced to meet demand across the country. But then, in a move out of the 'Playbook', the appeals programme of the Official Languages Committee has been undone. How will Marie-Claire send 'Ti-Jacques to the underfunded French-language school that is his right in Alberta/Saskatchewan/Manitoba?

You know what? No one should be giving anybody any books about how to be ineffective in Ottawa nowadays. Maybe they've all gone Cup Crazy TM.