THE INTERNET WAR: when zombie snails attack!

[We've all heard about the threats the vast series of tubes called The Internet faces on a daily basis. For the most part we don't understand them. After all, isn't 'Neutrality' reserved for those Swiss pansies? In the tradition of Marshall McLuhan and the "X-Files", this segment probes threats to the internet. More importantly we will underline how unstoppable The Internet is in...THE INTERNET WAR!]

Reactionaries are popping up all across The Internet now-a-days. These Reactionaries intend to undo the Glorious Netscape Revolution of 1995 that opened The Internet to every creature with thumbs (and some without them, Dan). Much like with any revolution though, the Vastly Superior Communications Technology that is The Internet must displace all that came before it. This process is sometimes called 'creative destruction' and economists love it. So, do some mathematicians...generally people who hate creativity love creative destruction.

The principle of creative destruction is that the oppressive previous communications technology, which is inferior and named as such, snail mail, will one day be thrown off by the masses. Snail mail will come to a violent demise as pencil pushers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but the legibility of your handwriting! Snail mail has no appeal in our time of instantaneous communications. Instead of writing a letter by hand and sending it by snail mail you can now 'txt ur pal in SPaolo' for rllz in less than .5 seconds. There is a reason they call snail mail 'snail mail'.

Now Reactionaries, who The Internet will crush with its Vastly Superior Communications Technology, are trying to revive snail mail and, even, the handwritten word. I will give you a moment to recover from your disgust. THERE IS NO TIME! HARNESS YOUR DISGUST! TURN IT INTO THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES! PER LA RéVOLUCION!

The Reactionaries say handwritten letters are more meaningful then emails! When Leslie broke up with me by txt mssg was it any less meaningful!? No. How is signing up to write letters using The Internet against itself more meaningful? (The Internet is not happy about this and will punish you by hindering your access to porn) You may not even know the person you are writing the letter to by hand and you are paying to send it by snail mail! You may as well be talking to someone random on the Facebook or the MySpace or the Web 2.0 *all are hushed in Your presence*. How is the mere practice of moving your wrist and manipulating the digits on ONE hand more meaningful then rapidly moving the fingers on TWO? How will you justify using your txt-isms when you need vowels to connect your handwriting?

Crush the Reactionaries! Long Live The Revolution! One! Nine! Nine! Five!